All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to stop canoodling with Justin Bieber. Thanks.

All I want for Christmas, is…. nope. That’s not it.

Oh, Mariah. We love you, we really do. Especially when you get a bit ‘diva’ fat, continue to wear cut out swimsuits and just cover your muffin top with a fur stole. IDOL.

mariah_carey_justin_bieber

And we are BIG fans of a Carey Christmas choon. Some would say (ok I; I would say) Christmas just isn’t the same without Mariah warbling whilst holding a Labrador puppy… but WAIT A SANTA-GOT-STUCK-IN-THE-GOD-DAMN-CHIMNEY minute!

RE-RELEASING aforementioned Christmas song with tween heart-throb-of-the-moment Justin Bieber to gain both pervy father PLUS hormonal daughter approval? Kerching. Oh no.


Let’s start with the obvious: Bieber, aged 17 and Mariah, aged 41… YOU DO THE MATH (no really, you do it. I’ve had too many mulled wines already)!!!

The video – essentially a three and a half minute advert for Macy’s (Nintendo DS anyone? Beiber has one. And he’s WELL cool) – features Bieber, in the centre of said store doing an awful lot of fist pumping while Mariah writhes around the grotto dressed as a slutty Mrs Caus, showing us that the twins are indeed alive and kicking (no, not Morocco and Monroe, but her very own two prized orbs).

At this stage we can only THANK THE LORD that fist pumping and grinding are kept apart, as Mariah busts out the ‘ride the rodeo’ (to be fair – kudos to her – I haven’t attempted that move since Inferno’s circa ’01) while Bieber attacks some kind of Supermarket Sweep situation (don’t get me started on how an appearance from Dale Winton would improve this video) with the gusto of Sophia Grace Brownlee.

Now, I can’t lie, I am indeed a Belieber and actually, ACTUALLY quite like this song (ahem, mulled wine) but the sleigh section of the video has left me scarred.

Maz doing a Sharon Stone in front of a small and petrified Beieber is tantamount to watching your mum’s pissed up pal trying it on with your little brother. It’s awkward. And Bieber doesn’t know where to look (just think of Gomez, son, and the 8000 DS’s you’ll get; it’ll allllll be over soon).

So he brings a puppy in to distract her (it’s a wonder she lasted this long without one) before scarpering to a safe place (Disneyland presumably) and all is well again.

We get it Mariah: you’re still hot; you’ve still got ‘it’. But stop terrifying young children with ‘it’ and get back to your grotto. Santa has woken up and the elves are running riot. Tsk.

  • Comments

  • avatar
    Lana A

    What can I say? The Amateur Transplants have said it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnZ029bxeoI

  • avatar
    Natalie

    That gets a ‘ROFL’ and a ‘LOL’! Although, I thought he was going to say ‘gash’, not ‘cash’… oops… 😉

  • avatar
    amy

    and i thought that was going to be a reference to Mariah’s wabs……. 😉

  • avatar
    Holly

    I’m seriously starting to think I can’t enjoy a music video anymore with out a commentary from a Le Blow girl…

    • avatar
      Natalie

      Ha! And it’s like we can’t watch anything with chipping in our thruppence worth these days. Glad it’s appreciated though… x

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