Bettie Page leopard print

Celeb inspiration // AKA The Leopard Print Rules (like Fight Club but more leopardy)

To paraphrase *cough* totally rip off *cough* Jackie Collins:

My weakness is, I wear too much leopard print.

I, in fact, would consider this a strength (and have indeed used it as such in interview scenarios. What?). However as pointed out recently by my mother (thanks mum) once you hit 30 do you need to lay off the leopard?

Post one’s 20s DOES leopard print start veering away from cool Kate Moss and more towards Kaffy from Eastenders? (It’s a FINE line between these two; I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Mine’s a brew and an egg sarnie, thanks.)

Kate Moss in leopard print

Kathy Eastenders leopard print

And as the head-to-toe leopard careers away from groupie and towards pub landlady is it less rock n roll and more roll-up, roll-up? Less Just Cavalli and more… just plain wrong?

Now my whole frame of fashion reference is shaken. But I refuse to give it up. If La Moss can rock it well into her (late) 30s then so I can I. We do have exactly the same bone structure and stature (ahem), after all.

However, here’s a quick Le Blow recap (thanks Graham) of the Leopard Print Rules (like Fight Club) to make sure you get it SPOT ON (I’m here all night)…

1. Claudia Schiffer (thumbs up)

Claudia Schiffer GUESS leopard print

Looking glorious and all 60s-Brigitte-Bardot for Guess, THIS IS HOW WE (SHE) DO…

Claudia Schiffer leopard print

…AND looking GROWN UP and sophis to the MAX for Cavalli. Two completely different looks; one unanimous opinion: Schiffer is fit in leopard print (and also, probably, anything).

2. Christina Aguilera (thumbs down)

Christina Aguilera leopard print

IT’S NOT EVEN THAT FAR AWAY FROM SCHIFFER, ON PAPER: The platinum backcomb, the red lips, the double chin and the lack of chest support. Oh wait. No – model’s own on the last two. Floaty and leopardy and ruffly oh my (oh no).

3. Rihanna (thumbs up)

Rihanna leopard print

If you are Rihanna you can wear head-to-toe clashing leopard print and still look slicker than the average…

4. Shania Twain (thumbs down)

Shania Twain leopard print

…however, if  you are Shania Twain, you can’t (see previous point). To be honest, I’d probably be down with this if it wasn’t for the gloves. You always have to take it that one step toooooo far, Shania.

5. Amy Winehouse (thumbs up)

Amy Winehouse leopard print

Rockabilly excellence in all its hip-hugging glory. L.O.V.E. RIP Aamy x

6. Pat – ‘Stenders (thumbs up)

Pat Butcher leopard print

Come on, thumbs up for services to leopard throughout the years, and let’s face it she is raaawwwwwking it. YES PAM ST C. YES. (Extra points for earrings and blue eyeshadow, natch.)

7. Victoria Beckham ( thumbs down)

Victoria Beckham leopard print coat

WHAAAAT? So Pat Butcher (PB) is a yes and VB is a no? TOO RIGHT.

Look at this. With your eyes. She looks like she is snatching that child. I’d be scared. VERY scared. Cruella  watch out. There’s a new fashion villian in town.

8. Bet Lynch (thumbs down)

Bette Lynch leopard print

Sacrilige I know – the God Mother of Leopard (I’M SORRY BET!) BUT- the leopard-on-leopard, accessorised with balding landlord. JUST NO.

See, I reckon it’s all about context. Behind a bar = no. See below on how leopard print should be allowed to roam in it’s natural habitat…

9. Jackie Collins (thumbs up)

Jackie Collins leopard print

YES! See, it’s all about context! Ideally there would be a topless waiter just off to camera left wielding a pina colada and some nachos. HIGH OCTANE, PEOPLE.

So, what have we learnt about leopard print here?

It’s a fine line, mother: I’ll certainly give you that. Essentially, as long as I’m lying by a pool wearing a good bra with an excellent beehive we are all good. Good.
*Takes up smoking. Buys more cats*

  • Comments

  • avatar

    Oh hey there story of my life.

  • avatar

    Enjoyed your post – I’ve been wrestling with similar issues! I nicked your Bet Lynch photo but linked to your article in my text – hope this is ok. Best wishes urs

    • avatar
      Natalie Wall

      Thanks for the props! And likewise, enjoyed reading your post too. Us leopardy ladies have to stick together… 😉

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