natalie-portman-moby

Did she really go out with him? Five bafflingly mismatched celebrity couples

Ex-boyfriends. We all have at least one. If you’re like some of the more, er, social Le Blow ladies you probably have hundreds. Do you ever look back and think ‘what the hell was I on when I decided to go out with you?’ (in our case the answer is Snakebite. All bad relationship decisions were made whilst drinking Snakebite. Avoid at all costs).

If, like us, you do look back with major disdain for the ones who got away, spare a thought for these five celebrities. Not only did they date utterly unsuitable boys, but they did it in the public domain. Which means we can laugh at pictures of them together and think ‘whhhyyyyyyyyy?’ (Actually, we have to admit we do that with photos of us with our exes during happier times, except rather than laughing, we cry into our litre of cheap wine. Don’t tell anyone – we’re not proud of it).

Natalie Portman and Moby

natalie-portman-moby

Bloody vegans. A righteous vegan is hard enough to endure, but two righteous vegans, both passionate about the arts, and both at one time or another have been bald? (Well, pretty much always in Moby’s case). It’s like Le Blow’s worst nightmare. Whilst it might sound like these two were a great match on paper, we simply cannot understand how baldy midget Moby snagged A-list hottie Portman. Maybe his hypnotic music really did actually hypnotise her somehow. In which case, the fact that everyone got sick of Moby’s songs on every. single. bloody. advert means we’ve all probably had a very lucky escape.

Kelly Brook and Billy Zane

kelly brook billy zane

Billy Zane is probably a really nice guy, but he’s always given me a slightly creepy vibe. I don’t think it stems just from his character in Titanic, either. There was that weird, straight-to-DVD flop movie he did with Kelly, which I hear was borderline soft porn (having never inflicted the torture of sitting through it myself). Plain odd, especially since Kelly supposedly left ‘the ultimate personification of macho’ Jason Statham to be with ‘groomed within an inch of his life’ Billy. Ah well, who are we to judge?

Shar Jackson and Quentin Tarantino

Shar Jackson and Quentin Tarantino

This one is just plain weird on both accounts. You probably don’t know who Shar Jackson is. Admittedly, I’m ashamed that I do. She is the mother of Kevin Federline’s first two children. Yep, Kevin Federline aka ex Mr Britney. K-Fed. The sponge, I believe he was called in some circles. Yep, Kevin Federline’s cast offs and Quentin Tarantino. No joke. You can close your mouth now.

Half of Hollywood and Adam Duritz

Emmy Rossum and musician Adam Duritz

Adam Duritz is the rather questionable-looking lead singer of Counting Crows. To date, he has been connected with (deep breath) Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Emmy Rossum, Samantha Mathis, Mary Louise Parker, Winona Ryder, Christina Applegate, Monica Potter and Lara Flynn Boyle. He must be absolutely incredible in bed.

Sinitta and Brad Pitt

Sinitta and Brad Pitt

Of all my favourite things about Sinitta (and there are many – the leaf bikini for one) the fact that she shagged Brad Pitt for TWO WHOLE YEARS is probably the standout. Apparently, during their relationship they got it on in a private box at the Royal Albert Hall, and on a waterbed. Amazing.

Also amazing is the fact that Sinitta does not sit and cry over her lost love Brad and the amazing times they had together. No, Sinitta doesn’t think it’s a big deal at all, she doesn’t give a shit. Sinitta also knows how to keep her exes sweet; she gets her other famous ex Simon Cowell to give her a job every year on the X Factor even though she’s crap, and she doesn’t even have to sleep with him to get it. This woman is possibly a relationship genius.

Ladies, I think it’s time to make Sinitta your new relationship guru. Go forth, fashion yourself a nice leaf bikini and bag a Brad Pitt-alike.

Fiona Goby

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  • Comments

  • avatar
    Kim

    Personally I think it’s more the other way round. I’m sure it’s Brad who must be thinking “did I really do that ???”

    • avatar
      Natalie

      He’s always kept pretty quiet about the whole thing, to be fair. She bloody well hasn’t!

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