Valentine’s Day is a weird one. Who actually likes it apart from Americans and eight year old girls?
If you’re single, you are reminded of this. A LOT. If you are in a new relationship you are surrounded by the word ‘Love’ which is just awkward. If you are married or in a long term relationship you’re under pressure to live up to last year.
When I was seven I sent a valentine’s card to a boy in my class. He cried, told on me and I got a reputation in the staff room for being a little pervert. Whatever, I saw him a few years ago wearing three quarter length combats which I think is far more perverse.
One of my first jobs was in a office where between making tea and crying in the toilets I had to buy two Valentine’s cards on behalf of my old fat sweaty boss. ‘In case I mess up the message” was his answer. Not that I ever asked the question. Needless to say, I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s day.
If you’re not a fan either here are some things to do where you won’t have to look at loved up couples feeding each other.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s at The Prince Charles Cinema
Go and see this ultimate chic flick with your friends and laugh at all the whipped boyfriends that have been made to accompany their girlfriends.
Harold and Maude at The Rio
A cult classic. Although technically it is a love story, it won’t make you vom.
Shame, Cinemas Nationwide
I went to see this my boyfriend and the first thing I said when it finished was, “you wouldn’t want to go and see that on a first date”. It’s got a lot of naked humping Michael Fassbender which my boyfriend didn’t appreciate as much as my girl friends would.
Let’s face it the only cool thing about cupid is his weaponry. Have a go yourself here then practice at home on personalised targets.
If you’re still not convinced and are planning baths with rose petals and have a box of David Beckham H&M undies gift wrapped in preparation, there’s no hope for you and you may as well watch this.
But let us tell you that if he didn’t propose at Christmas it’s unlikely he will on Valentine’s Day. Love hearts taste shit and all say ‘Be Mine’ or ‘Kiss Me’. Oh and Interflora are laughing at you.