Limp onion bhajis, under-filled vol-au-vents and those awkward ‘where should I put my cocktail stick?’ moments. Welcome to the social etiquette minefield that is your Christmas party buffet.
Let’s cut to the chase: we need to wolf down as many carbs as possible whilst looking like a graceful vision of self control. Here’s some tips to show you how:
Hide oily carbs at the bottom of your salad pile
These can be discreetly smuggled to the top as you distract polite company with dazzling conversation.
Immediately pick something fattening on the table that you don’t actually like
Such as smelly blue cheese. Then make a massive deal about avoiding it because you’re ‘being good’.
Going up twice is a huge no-no
The only time this is acceptable is if you are very vocally ‘getting some extra cake for Sue’.
Preempt the fact that your host will be offering plates the size of a saucer…
…and bring your own 18 inch festive dish. Of course you only need one helping!
If you’re coming straight from the office with a clutch bag and no space for a spaceship sized plate, don’t panic
Old but effective, your buffet weapon of choice is the simple bowl. It can be ‘built up’ with tacos or even better, cucumber slices at the sides to make it at least a foot deep.
And lastly, If anyone clocks you secretly savouring your fifth ‘pig-in-blanket moment’ of the night, be prepared
Why, you are simply ‘lining your stomach.’ N.B alcohol has no calories in the month of December.
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