How to… please her (no! not like that, you filthy urchins)

Inspired by Texan supermodel Erin Wasson’s guide on ‘How To Please Her‘ over on the fabulous newly launched Mr Porter website (we love it more than Net-a-Porter), although as Poppy pointed out, ‘if a guy dated me in a black t-shirt and black jeans he would never get a date with me again.’
We thought we’d do our very own Le Blow take on how best to impress a lay-dee (with tongue-firmly-in-cheek)…

What makes the perfect date?

I like to be surprised, so turn up without notice on a mid-week afternoon. Bring your Prius, or arrive on foot in hobo trousers; just never ever in a rear-wheel drive Nissan. We should do some light wrestling and if that goes well, an impromptu dinner. I think Nando’s hits the perfect balance between ‘trailer-park carnage’ and ‘starchly formal’. Ideally, you’ll bring your Afghan hound and we’ll all run in slow motion, with knives.

What to buy a lady?

Real ladies can struggle with car maintenance, so it’s always a nice touch to invest in a thorough wheel balancing. I really like the artwork of Les Wang (though not his Mauve period, of course) or a walk on the moon. Buy me something I’ve always wanted, but never knew about. Coincidentally, I’ve just launched my new range of beautiful lady-gifts so please do check out

What should every man own?

Kindling. Some raisins. A badger (never a ferret). Several types of screwdriver. Everything. Nothing. A Bonsai tree, but not the creepy kind.

Note: we’ve inserted a gratuitous shot of Konrad the ASOS model here, as he has (and we quote) ‘built a house by hand‘ *swoon*

– Helen Brown
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