In interests of full disclosure, I’ll be honest with you from the start – I don’t know what it is, but ever since Miley Cyrus cut off her hair and went all ‘sexy goth cyber punk‘, some sort of inner rage has been awoken in me, in that I just really want the annoying chipmunk to bugger off the face of this earth.
You see, Miley, for me at least, is currently the poster child for a terribly IRRITATING phenomenon known to affect attention-seeking early twenty something pop stars. It’s called being a try-hard. Miley is so try-hard, it hurts my eyes (because I’ve stuck needles in them, to avoid having to watch said try-hard).
Despite my steely attempt at general aversion of all things ‘Miley sexy goth cyber punk 2013’, I decided to dip a toe into the unknown, and open myself up to the pure possibility of being UTTERLY STABBY, by watching Miley’s VMA 2013 performance.
If you haven’t managed to stomach the whole performance yourself, I’ll lay the gist out for you; amongst the bizarre teddy motif, Bjork-circa-1993 hair and the casual masturbating on-stage with an oversized ‘Gladiators’ style foam finger (aka ruining all our happy early-nineties memories), there was a lot of PVC underwear, unnecessary twerking (although, is twerking ever necessary? Discuss), a really embarrassed looking Robin Thicke and just generally terrible singing.
In my opinion, it was a catastrophe, and it seems I’m not alone in that critic.
Rihanna wasn’t impressed, and even One Direction couldn’t muster much enthusiasm:
The Smith family were downright shocked:
Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez were part disgusted, part gleeful:
Miley – we’re sure you’re a really nice girl, and it’s great that you want to step out of the typical pop star box. More power to you. But molesting Robin Thicke (although, maybe you believed he had it coming on account of his rapey lyrics?), sticking out your tongue a lot and generally just being a dick with a cast of teddy bears is probably not going to win you any new fans.
Le Blow suggests you stop trying to look like you stepped out of 1994, stop over-sexualising yourself and maybe invest in some singing lessons. When you’ve done that, maybe Lady Gaga will manically dance to your VMA set too:
What did you make of Miley’s performance? Hit us up on Twitter @le_blow.
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