To clarify, these are best new acts to break from what we’ve seen so far. Obviously, you’ll still be mostly hearing the same old shit from the same old people who’ve been hanging about for the last three years. Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Pixie Lott and fucking Flo Rida will continue to wash over the radio like a steady stream of shit. Diluted, mulchy shit. But if anyone else does get a look in, we reckon it’ll be a few of these…
Friends
A Brooklyn five-piece who make catchy, tropical post-disco music that sounds like its been funneled right from the ‘90s and into your ear hole. Sex-ay. Who knows if they’ll make it beyond the echelons of their hipster rankings, but they should. Because they’re FUN. Let’s never let The Vaccines happen again. Yeah!
Kendrick Lamar
Hip-hop these days is all about money, hoes and purple draaaank. But this guy is not buying into it (“Eight doobies to the face? Fuck daaat”) and convincingly raps on girls looking they best all natch-o-rall and shit. I like him ‘cos I can picture us having a conversation where he wouldn’t stare at my tits while mumbling clichés about getting ‘crunked in da club’. That’s nice isn’t it?
Azealia Banks
Dis chick right here. If the term ‘swag’ hadn’t been the most annoying neologism on in 2011, I would use it for this girl. Maybe it’s just that I’m enamored by someone who can brazenly repeat the word ‘cunt’ with a cheeky smile on her face. CUNTY CUNT CUNT CUNT. Lovely.
The Weeknd/Frank Ocean
Now it kind of physically pains me to lump these two into one because they are both AMAZING IN THEIR OWN RIGHT, right? Bringing back R&B, or creating a new thing some pretentious dick has dubbed PBR&B (heads to Google), their crooning has been causing a bit of a stir. And not just in my pants (SORRY). My dad thinks they both sound like Craig David. That worries me. Something else that should worry me is that ‘stir in my pants’ and ‘my dad’ were uttered next to each other. Ugh.
A$AP Rocky
Because by Rocky’s own sentiment, he’s a pretty muthafucka. And he signed a $3m contract with Sony. Push it Sony, push it real good.
Lianne La Havas
I saw this girl play in a basement somewhere a couple of months ago where grown men were reduced to tears. IMAGINE. The next night I caught her on the tellybox playing her sing songs on Jools Holland. The night after that I accidentally followed her into a toilet cubicle. What I’m saying is, SHE IS EVERYWHERE. Watch where you pee, people of 2012.
Lana Del Rey
She shot up from nowhere – well, if ‘nowhere’ is hanging around the internet making barely a dent for 18 months – and the world fell in love with her home made moviez (no, not that kind). Then they decided she was A BIG PHONEY. That whole time she was waltzing around with a record deal and songwriters and collagen lips and certain people felt duped.
And then those people realised that actually the music is still 1000x better than anything on Radio One’s usual (s)hitlist (LOL) and no they wouldn’t have looked at her twice – and didn’t – as her previous incarnation, Lizzy Grant, and EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ATE THEIR CEREAL. Or something.
Misha B
I missed The X Factor this year. I don’t think I have to explain why. Me and you – we’re on a level. But I’ve given the weekly glossies a passing glance and she was some sort of gobshite bully as a teenager, right? That sucks. But if Chris Brown can bring it back from the brink a year after brutally beating on his girlfriend then I think old Mish can prove she’s all about the L.O.V.E and pull it out the bag with stuff like this. But ONLY if she’s about the L.O.V.E, obviously.
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