Suri Cruise temper tantrum

Oh baby // Our most favourite awkward slebby baby moments

You know what it’s like being a glossy sleb. The designer de jour on speed dial; three stylists on hand 24/7; a personal chef and a shiny Swedish gym instructor named Nikkkkkkklassssss (squat thrusts anyone? oh haaiiiii) ALL ready to assist in any sweaty fringe/cellulite sighting/bogey emergency at ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT, SOS style.

Then you go and get all pregnant. Ahhhhh how natural! How glowy! You can truly blossom into the goddess you always imagined *cue Family Fortunes style ‘wrong’ buzzer* EEEEHHHHH ERRRRRRRR!

Suri Cruise temper tantrum

Incorrect! As us mere mortals down on Planet Earth know, pregnancy is a faaaaaaaaar from glamorous experience and as we (ahem just) manage without an S.A.S army of Mafia Fabularte.

So, I’m biting back against the land of the shiny fringe (seriously, why does Jessy J’s never part in the middle when running for the tube, like mine – WHY??!) with our guide to the most inconvenient pregnant / child celebrity moments.

Because no matter HOW hard you try, you just can’t airbrush baby sick…

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson pregnant

Jessicca Simpson has been pregnant FOREVER, which is not only ruining social occasions left right and centre, but begs the question what the HELL is going to come out of there?

It’s OK Jess, at least you don’t have any horrible friends who insist on dressing you up in pastels and parading you for their own amusement. Oh.

Liz Hurley

Liz Hurley with her giant baby

I remember this picture from way back in 2002 as I was genuinely terrified:

HELP! SOMEONE! LIZ HURLEY IS BEING ATTACKED BY A VERY SMALL OLD MAN. AND HE HAS HER BY THE ARMPITS!
Oh wait, hang on, it’s OK. It’s just Liz Hurley and her GIANT baby. Seriously, can we talk about ratio of her head to his? Ouch. Just ouch.

Harper Beckham

Victoria and Harper Beckham

Well, VB if you DO insist on dressing your newborn baby in head-to-toe black, what the hell do you expect? Oooooh monochrome.

Mila Jovovich

Now THIS makes me happy. No, I’m not laughing at Mila because she is fat; I am loving the fact that sometimes – SOMETIMES – becoming pregnant means you have to embrace your inner Space Hopper. And that is exactly what she has done.
milla-jovovich-pregnant
Look at her happy, happy round face.
mila 5th element
Then look at her skinny surprised face. Dead behind the eyes. You know it.

Jessica Alba

jessica alba and bad baby

Ahhhh yes, the ever familiar, “I have to love you but my God, I’ll hold you like a football unless you shut the hell up” hold. Hair? Perfect. Clothes? Perfect. But shows you just can’t stop ’em throwing a wobbler when denied Cheese Strings whether in Hollywood or Harold Wood.

Boris Becker

Boris Becker and child

OK, this doesn’t quite fit in with the above scenarios, but as awkward celebrity babies go, Anna Ermakova has to take the crown. Because there is nothing quite so inconvenient when denying paternity of a child, as when said child pops out being your TINY BABY CLONE. LULZ!

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