Sex tape scandal // Tulisa bites back (though not literally, we hope)

Now we’ve all seen The Tulisa Tape. Oh – you haven’t? Oh. Awkward *clears Google history*. Well, we all know what was ON The Tulisa Tape.

Yet again, another celebrity sex tape scandal. Yawn.

However, what makes this oh-so-juicy-and-yet-familiar celebrity scandal is what happened next: Tulisa bit back (sorrryyyyy!!!!!!).

As a second video appeared online last week of a dimly-lit flat with Tulisa talking straight down her PC, Tulisa took back control of the situation in a painfully honest and open account of the whole series of events.

Bar missing an X Factor-esque plinkety plonk Heart, SORRY piano strings soundtrack to highlight the pain and woe, it seemed extremely genuine, and the fact of the matter is it remains hard not to sympathise.

I mean, we’ve all been there. I dread to think the amount of dodgy pics floating around of me over the years (I’m speaking from a purely hypothetical journalistic standpoint here) (I’m not).

And seeing the poor girl wave around pictures of her ex-boyfriend, them together and speaking of the gross betrayal made against her I have to admit, I’m team Tulisa. We ALL make mistakes, in what we do AND who we trust, but at least most of us manage to get away without the entire universe seeing and judging us for it.

HOWEVER. HOW. EV. ER. Eva Wiseman at The Guardian has taken this sympathy one step further, and declared Tulisa Constavlos the New Face of Feminism. Eeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm, right. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaang on juuuust a minute…

Sorry Tulisa, but I can’t help thinking that this was because you were well and truly backed into a corner. As anyone who has seen aforementioned ‘money shot’ and looked beyond the enormous black cock to stage left will vouch. It is undeniably her.

Now I’ll agree, Tulisa has managed to come out of this with some degree of dignity and for this I bloody admire her (I wish I could have come away from Bestival 2010 with half this amount of dignity. And my underwear, come to think of it.).

I’m all for a bit of sisterhood *peace sign + ‘girl power’* and by speaking up Tulisa has given herself (shock, horror) a VOICE.

But I think Ms Wisemann is over-egging it slightly by referring to her confessional as, “uplifting for young people to watch”. Erm, no, mate. It was Painful and Pretty Upsetting actually. Uplifting? Nahhhht so much. Tulisa a teenage sex scandal role model. Really?!

Next we’ll be sending Jordan round high schools to lecture on body image *face palm*.

I’m not entirely sure that ‘fessing up to your mistakes makes you feminism’s new hero. Steady on here. BUT it is admirable and clearly a hard thing to do. She is honest and eloquent and therefore comes out of this a hero in my eyes, but a feminist hero?…. Still not convinced.

Also *steps up onto soap box* I believe the real issue hasn’t been addressed here at all. Not only the matter of the scumbag* that leaked the footage in the first place, but – equally importantly – the blame for Tulisa’s betrayal and trauma should rest firmly with US.

That’s right, you heard *points finger* Are we not also to blame (did we learn NOTHING from Black Mirror? Hello; prime minister / pig anyone?!)?

Surely we need to take some responsibility for a tape we all knew to be private, and yet persisted to rubberneck, re-tweet and screen-grab. *deletes screen saver as types*.

And for THIS we all should be ashamed. Yeah. I said it.

Will we never do it again? Course we will. But will we think about it? Yes. And hopefully for the right reasons…

So if nothing else, from this whole ordeal I hope we can all reflect on poor old Tulisa, and how she has taken the power of her betrayal back by speaking up, by spitting truth (na na naaaayyyyyy) and also giving us a couple of excellent blozzer tips. WHAT?!