Have you read One Day by David Nicholls?

You probably have, seeing as it’s been a pretty big literary deal since it’s release in 2009. I read it, after initially resisting the hype, during a flight to see my fiancé in NYC. I became so engrossed in the story of Emma and Dex, two friends who meet on their last day of Uni and subsequently form a strong bond that has the reader following them over the next 20 years, that I pretty much ignored my fiancé (whom I hadn’t seen for two months) upon arrival so that I could carry on reading. It’s that sort of book.

So imagine my despair when I heard that all-American Anne Hathaway had been cast as the female protagonist, Emma Morley? If you haven’t read the book, let me just give you a run-down; Emma is Northern, working class, plain, awkward, slightly chubby at times, and not at all in possession of a smile as bright at Hathaway’s. But it’s ok, I thought. Perhaps it will be like Bridget Jones, where we were all up in arms that skinny Texan Renee Zellweger had been cast, but were proved wrong when she turned in a pitch-perfect performance?

Well, now I’ve seen the trailer for One Day, I can categorically say… it looks terrible. Anne Hathaway is hugely miscast at Emma (too pretty, too smiley, too bloody American with the worst accent heard in a film, possibly ever) and in general it looks like a schmaltzy, decidedly Americanized affair. Please, watch for yourself and judge accordingly:

Let’s just hope and pray that the actual finished film doesn’t end up the way of these poor book adaptations, aka on the top of the shit heap:

1. The Time Traveller’s Wife

Incredible book; it’s romantic and slushy without being vomit-inducing, and incorporates the science fiction angle of the plot without a hint of cheesiness. Sadly, despite the awesomeness of Rachel McAdams, who took the lead role of Claire, the film adaptation is just painful. Although admittedly, the entire wedding sequence did melt my ice-cold heart just a teensy bit. Don’t tell.

2. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Whomever cast Nicholas Cage as Antonio Corelli in Louis de Berniere’s beautiful novel Captain Corelli’s Mandolin needs to be fired from Hollywood. Although I’m guessing they already have been by now. Stick to sub-par remakes of horror classics like The Wicker Man, Cage. Oh, wait…

3. Girl, Interrupted

I know, I know. So many of you out there bloody love this (frankly abominable) 1999 film adaptation that won Angelina Jolie an Oscar. I suggest you misguided lot go out and buy a copy of Susanna Keysen’s book, then; it will make you realise the film adaptation of Girl, Interrupted is nothing more than a crap Hollywood mangling of a very brave and honest memoir. Shameful.

4. The Rules of Attraction

Now this is an odd one. The Rules of Attraction should never really have been made into a film, as Bret Easton Ellis’ unique style of prose and ridiculously large cast of characters don’t really translate to screen (just see the film version of Less Than Zero for more confirmation). However, it wasn’t a bad job overall, and whilst Ian Somerhalder was particularly excellent as Paul, the one glaringly obvious mistake was the casting of James Van Der Beek as bad boy Sean. Umm, no. Just, NO.

5. The Da Vinci Code

It’s shit, plain and simple. If you paid money to see this utterly shit film or indeed bought Dan Brown’s utterly shit book, well, then you’re shit too. (Yes, that includes you too, mum. Just because we’re family doesn’t mean you’re not shit for liking The Da Vinci Code too.)

So there you have it. I know it’s far too late to do anything about it now, seeing as One Day is all ready for release on 30th September 2011 (did they not miss a trick actually releasing it on St. Swithin’s Day, aka 15th July and the day the entire novel centres around every year?!). Unable to boycott the film due to sheer curiosity, I’m sure I’ll be seeing it when it’s released, and probably hating it too. Sigh. Just as long as Hollywood doesn’t get their mitts on my idea for an epic vampire/human/werewolf love triangle…  Gah!

– Fiona Goby

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