The X Factor Live Show // Week Two: VOGUE!

Did you watch the X Factor this weekend? It’s quite likely you didn’t, seeing as approximately 2 million viewers have turned off in their droves. Good job then, that Le Blow is here to offer a comedy-based recap on everything important that happened. Even if you did watch it all, you might find yourself needing a refresher anyway, as the increasing amount of commercial breaks, vague judges comments (‘YOU PUT IT DOWN ON THAT STAGE TONIGHT!’) and boring ballad performances may have lulled you into a catatonic state. Especially if you watched post-pub visit. Although I imagine if that was the case, Kitty’s performance may have served to provide you with terrible, giant rabbit based nightmares. Anyway, we digress… there were much more important things going down on that stage, like…

The fact that Frankie Cocozza is shit

And Gary Barlow knows it. He just can’t admit it on national television. Frankie’s hair and red glittery leggings are also shit. Everything about him is shit. I hate him.


And it’s being lip-synched even worse than ever before! YES! I don’t know about you, but everytime I’ve seen the X Factor competition ads that run between the commercial breaks, I’ve yearned for the cheesiness of the group song to return. Whilst it didn’t quite reach the dizzying heights of Cher Lloyd and Katie Weasel (sorry, WAISSEL) suggestively rocking back and forth whilst miming (sorry, SINGING) to a terrified looking Matt Cardle, it was a great start. A great start for accidentally hilarious entertainment value that is, not an actual great start.

Tulisa should consider changing her stylist if she wants to avoid those Chezza comparisons

Cheryl was mighty fond of those incredibly short, full dresses too. And a nice side bun. Just saying.

Charles and Eddy’s ‘Would I Lie To You’ is officially the most genius song choice for a contestant ever

Hats off to you, Kelly Rowland, for making such an original, fun, and a surprisingly current choice in the arrangement. Can you possibly teach Louis how to do that? Misha B was truly amazing on Saturday night – diva attitude or not. Although there is one complaint with her performance – her purple metallic jumpsuit really made me crave some Quality Street, and I’m not supposed to be eating chocolate.

Johnny Robinson is Le Blow’s new life inspiration

As in, we’re all going to start saying ‘Vogue!’ at the end of every article. VOGUE!


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