Observations from the Met Ball (and all the outfits)

The night before last was the annual Met Ball, AKA the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s gala in honour of the Costume Institute, aka a big fucking deal in the celeb world. Dresses should be showy, dramatic and headline-worthy for all the right reasons (but thankfully for us lot, the dresses are usually headline-worthy for all the wrong reasons), and demonstrate the sartorial knowledge of young actresses and models lucky enough to be invited. Plus, they usually bring their hot boyfriends who look really fit in suits. Bonus.

Not surprisingly, the designer to be seen in was McQueen, what with Lee McQueen’s tragic demise just over a year ago, and Sarah Burton’s recent Royal Wedding-shaped triumph. Gossip from the evening seems to be thin on the ground (considering the tight security, tis not really a surprise) but we do know that Livia Firth twit-picced half the female guests in the ladies loos, snapping both Hilary Alexander and Lauren Hutton enjoying a cheeky fag during the proceedings. Haven’t we all? (Although sadly not in presence of Rihanna and her incredible poodle hair). Here are some more highlights (and of course, lowlights) of the event…

Pacey Witter – WE STILL WOULD (and his missus ain’t bad either)

Has anyone else been religiously Sky Plus-ing the repeats of Dawson’s Creek they’re showing on Sony TV at the moment? (No? Just us then). Whilst we might fail to see what we saw in Joshua Jackson all of 12 years ago when he first hit the scene, we DEFINITELY know what we see in him now. Raging hotness, pure and simple. That Diane Kruger is one lucky girl.

Iman = a legend

Oh how we wish WE could get away with wearing a gold sequin jumpsuit with plunging neckline. Of course, wearing it down the local branch of Wetherspoons on a Friday night isn’t quite the same as the Met Gala. That’s probably where we’re going wrong. And we aren’t married to David Bowie, either. Our other halves would probably discourage such an outfit, whereas Iman probably nicked it out of David’s old stage wardrobe.

Tents are the height of fashion, ala Andre Leon Talley

No, no, Mr Talley. Of course you are a top notch Vogue editor, so please, don’t bother dressing up for this very special evening. Just bring your nylon bedspread, stay comfy. It’s not like this evening is about fashion at all.

We want to be Gwyneth Paltrow

(When we say ‘want to be’, we don’t mean the whiny hubby and holier-than-thou attitude to cleansing and macrobiotics and shit. Just her killer bod and stunning Stella McCartney dress. Oh, and her bank balance. She can keep her dodgy cookbook and weirdly-named kids for herself).

Gold is the only way to go

… and get it right, ala Elizabeth Banks,  Claire Danes, Bar Rafeli and Gwynnie, by keeping it sleek and simple. Do not, under any circumstances, copy Fergie. Itchy gold lace is better kept to tacky bridesmaids dresses.

Emma Stone is our new fashion crush

After her style triumph at the Golden Globes, Emma hits a home-run with her monochrome print Lanvin dress and bright fuchsia lips. How does she always manage to look so modern and fresh? Not fair.

Simple is ALWAYS better

Case in point here; just compare the sleek and simple Brooklyn Decker, who let the eye-popping colour of her Michael Kors dress do the talking, and Ashley Olsen’s flamenco dancer tribute. We think we’ve made our point clear.

No-one beats Giselle

With those genes, she’d make Primark look good. Pity the other female attendees, then, that Gisele got to wear vintage McQueen. You can just imagine the bitchy looks she got, can’t you?

Christina Hendricks doesn’t know how to dress her boobies…

…and her husband doesn’t know how to dress his facial hair. Nice moustache, Mr Hendricks, you’re really rocking that Ned Flanders vibe.

Miranda Kerr is eco-friendly

She must be, as she seems to have recycled her wedding dress, just by lopping off the bottom rather awkwardly. And voila! A dress (not) fit for the Met Gala. Her and Orlando must be penny-pinching now they’re parents. Bravo, Miss Kerr, we admire your frugality. But PS – you look shit.

We used to fancy Bradley Cooper…

…until he brought his mum as his date to the Met Gala. Russell Brand may have pulled it off with the Oscars, but Brad’s cutesy attempt is not eliciting any sighing ovaries over our way; frankly more like retching. (But we are very much enjoying her orthopedic shoes. Classy.)

– Fiona Goby

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