You bloody wha’? // Things that made us go WTF? this week…

Another week, another collective of sleb occurrences that have made us stop in our tracks (well, go a little bit slack-jawed at our computer) and boom: WHAT THE FUCK? Only to receive disgusted ‘tsks’ from our colleagues for doing another swear at our desks. Again. At 9.10am.

Anyway, we love it when our WTF? features have an accidental theme, and this week, it seems to be… disastrous celebrity derrieres.

Regardez avec your eyes at this little lumpen lot…

Katie Holmes gets her cankles out



At the risk of sounding a bit Daily Mail (well, if we’re honest, that’s exactly where we first spotted this story), Katie Holmes has clearly learnt the lesson that if you’re the proud owner of a strapping pair of cankles like hers, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD do not wear cropped trousers and ankle boots which cut off your leg in THE most unflattering place and give the impression of lumpy, stumpy sausages.

And what’s more, it looks even MORE awful from behind! Katie, my love – that’s what stylists are for. Not just to tell you what to wear (or in this case what NOT to wear), but to give you the once-over before you leave the house. Call us. We’ll do it for a fiver. And no, standing next to a fat man does not make you look thinner by default.

Charlotte Church: voice of an angel, dress sense of a blind person

Not actually sure where to start here. We want to make a joke about Charlotte Church hitting a bum note with this outfit combo. But we won’t, don’t worry.

Things that offended our eyes (in no particular order): the shit hair dye job! The awful migraine-inducing top! The garish shades! The nylon Dr Evil trousers! The lumpy bra! The massively offensive VPL! The clumpy Frankenstein boots!  It just doesn’t make any sense. WHY would you wear this? Why not opt for a NORMAL (non acid trippy) Breton stripe top paired with indigo denim jeans and a ballerina flat (note use of ‘fashion singular’ there)?

We need to go and lie down in a darkened room and have a think about what we just saw…

TOWIE’s Lauren Goodger in the buff and looking ruff


Now, don’t get us wrong. We’re not dissing the fact that she’s a curvy girl here, oh no. But nobody wants to be confronted with a faceful of cellulite, do they? Not really. It strikes us that the very notion of appearing in the buff warrants you looking buff, too. Or at least checking your rear view in the mirror, so it doesn’t come as a shock when splashed across the pages of Heat magazine.

So, ladies. The moral of this week’s WTF? Even though you might be looking great from the front (Charlotte Church, we clearly are not referring to you here), do yourself (and innocent onlookers) a favour and check out your arse in a full length mirror before you venture out in public. Makes us think of that god-awful turn of phrase: body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch. But in a topsy turvy way.

Chubby cankles, VPLs, cellulite-on-show – these scenarios can all be easily avoided with a little due diligence. And a stylist. Or at the very least, a good friend who’ll give it to you straight.

  • Comments

  • avatar

    On Charlottes vpl – Take it from me, There is no worse a sight to man, than a lady sporting a massive pair of Applecatchers in public ..sorry but its the truth…. Make it Stop…. it’s your duty Le Blow

  • avatar

    But what’s worse? Bad VPL or no knickers and a cellulite arse?!

  • avatar

    Not to mention Lauren’s outrageous tan lines around her feet…

    • avatar

      I think I vommed before I got that far…

  • avatar

    all those ppl hatin on lauren are the type of guys that like skinny woman and you know what they say about that skinny woman r for wimps that can’t handle a real woman and i suppose all dogs like bones so stick with the skinny woman a real man can handle a real woman and likes meat on the bones so to me she is a very beautiful and very sexy woman with a perfect ass in that pic she should of kept that weight on cause there is nothing wrong wtih her what so ever

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