Trying to dress well in pregnancy?
No one tells you how bloody hard this is. You have the early stages where you merely look and feel a bit bloated round the tummy – my jeans just did not fit me practically as soon as the sperm hit the egg, it seemed.
I have a picture of myself taken the day before I found I was pregnant desperately massaging my tummy as my super tight Cheap Monday jeans (it was 2007) were sooo uncomfortable. (I then had a hot bath. And a gin and tonic – things NOT to do in early pregnancy. I also went out and ate seafood, drank wine and smoked Marlboro Lights – I should point out I was in PARIS dahling, and all French women do this all the way through their pregnancies. Or something. And I didn’t know I was pregnant. Honest.)
Then you have the stage where your tum sticks out like a beach ball – I remember at seven months not feeling particularly great about my outfit when Le Blow Editor Natalie confirmed my fears by kindly commenting that I was wearing ‘last season’s tunic’ and enquiring as to whether my jeans were bootcut – they bloody were NOT by the way! They were my classic Earl straight cuts circa 2001.
I had to go to my friend’s wedding when I was a week overdue (with all the girls from the hen do asking where was the baby when I had been bragging just weeks before that I would definately have had it by the wedding) looking like a beached whale in a dress (not even a maternity dress – a French Connection empire line number that I have since BURNT) and my granny’s fur coat as it was December and no other coat would do up. Mmm, I was toasty warm though.
These are not good memories. So here I share a few tips on how to survive dressing for pregnancy whilst avoiding marquee-like maternity wear:
Invest in a good pair of Maternity jeans
I didn’t and tried the hairband-round-the-button trick – do NOT try this at home, it just makes you feel like shit.
I then purchased an ultra stretchy skinny pair from Toppers. Great but uncomfortable. The midwife bluntly told me when I was ten days overdue: ‘no wonder this baby’s not coming out if you’re still in those jeans!’
I then had to sit out the remaining couple of days in my newly purchased sweat ‘pants’ – sooo not a good look.
Invest in some specialist maternity wear
Again – I didn’t. I just bought garments in stretchy fabric and upped my sizes. My thought process being I didn’t want a whole new wardrobe I wouldn’t wear again. In reality not only have I not worn anything I wore in pregnancy again as I have stretched it beyond repair but I have plain gone off most items.
Wear heels
Medical professionals probably would not agree with me but wear them as long as you possibly can – you will not be wearing them that much afterwards as for some damned unfair reason heels + pram= slutty mummy.
And after the birth….
Do Not Try On Your Old Jeans Until Your Baby Is At Least 3 Months Old
Just because your beach ball tum has gone does not mean you have lost the weight.
I was so deluded I was trying on my Sass and Bide misfits on the week after giving birth.
They were tight before I was pregnant for chrissake! This then depresses you and forces you to make rash purchases in shit shops such as Dorothy Perkins… I blame the hormones.
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