Probably called Esmeralda, or Tabitha, or other names ending in ‘aaaa’. Yah? Fashion Editor for a very serious, glossy women’s magazine, probably a one word title like POUT or SCOOP or LAAAH-DEE-FUCKING-DAAAAAHHHLING.
Dresses solely in black. Always this season’s must-have shape, mind, but always in black. A pleated skirt for example. With Louboutins. And a Burberry mac. Expensive stuffs, yah? Wears sunglasses indoors. Her hair is like the clip-on Lego kind; a shiny, helmet-like bob. She probably removes the wig when she gets home to her North London townhouse of an evening to reveal a balding bonce, just like Roald Dahl’s The Witches.
Her features are pointy and serious. She is petite and skinny (unnaturally so). She smells of Chanel No 5 and vomit. Non-smiling, she very rarely makes eye contact, but instead looks you up and down, scanning your outfit and deciding whether or not you are worthy of her attention. She’s terribly important, you know? Mwah, mwah.
– Words: Natalie Wall // Illustration: Libby Freshwater
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