Japanese Tsunami // How to… survive an epic earthquake

Woke up this morning to be greeted with the mind-blowing scenes from Japan following the epic earthquake there. Today at 2.46pm local time, an earthquake measuring 8.9 on the Richter scale struck off Japan’s eastern coast.

If you hail from exotic shores, you may have encountered an EQ or two in your time. But if like us here at Le Blow, the only shakes you’re used to experiencing are of the booze-related variety, you might well wonder: what the bloody hell is one supposed to do when an earthquake hits? We did a bit of research (okay, we Googled it) to come up with this handy guide…

Drop, cover and hold on

Sounds a lot like bedroom acrobatics and *those* sort of knee-tremblers (nudge nudge, wink wink) to us, but if you’re inside when the rumblings of an earthquake start, you’re meant to take cover under a sturdy table or desk *looks across at shitty Ikea table < we’re fucked already* or drop to the floor (like you’re a dirty rotten criminal being bossed about by an American cop) and cover your head with your arms. Or, if you’re a wimp like us, you’ll adopt the foetal position and gently rock back and forth whilst crying for your mum.

There’s a quake in my kitchen what am I gonna do?

If it’s not just the sound of your rumbling tum *mmm, pork pies…* then get the hell outta there! You don’t have to tell us to vacate the kitchen more than once. We only venture in there to collect wine and cheese from the fridge. See, the kitchen is the most dangerous room to be in (and not just when we’re attempting to cook an ‘experimental’ dish) as there are many dangerous objects wot could fall on your head. Like knives, fridge magnets, dead pot plants and 3,864, 289 empty glass bottles – if you’re round ours.

Do not flee a shaking structure

See, this guide is useful, isn’t it? We’re pretty sure we’d run for them thar hills if our building became shakier than Pat Sharp’s Fun House, but apparently by staying safely indoors, you won’t get hit by falling debris like flying cars and bits of other buildings. Which is always handy.

Note: obviously, if the building you’re in is on fire, then get the fuck out of there, dumb ass. Or you’ll burn to death. And blame us (from the After Life).

Put a pillow over your head

Yup. Promise we haven’t made this one up. But if you’re in bed, stay there and cover your head with a pillow. Not your actual face, as you won’t be able to breathe and stuff.

If you’re outside and…

…walking? Move to a clear area if you can safely walk. Avoid power lines, buildings and trees. Slightly impossible to do this in Blighty, but stop arguing and just try.

…driving? First, turn the volume down on your car stereo and make sure it’s definitely an earthquake and not the booming bass of your dup-step CD causing major vibrations. Then pull over. But ideally not atop a bridge. Or an overpass. Stay inside your car until the shaking stops. Ha! That made us think of the ol’ saying, ‘don’t come a knocking when this car’s a rocking’ – steamy windows anyone? Anyway, when you resume driving, watch out for big zig-zag cracks in the road and the like.

…sunbathing on the beach? Move to higher ground. Just like we’ve seen in Japan, an earthquake can cause a tsunami. And even if you may be a dab hand on a body board, you do NOT want to get swept up in one of those bad boys.

Don’t light one up…

The stress of all that shaking might make you want to spark up a ciggy but if there’s a gas leak, you’ll cause an explosion and that would be BAD. You’ll make a mess, probably kill a few people, it’ll be on the telly AND ALL YOUR FAULT. Chew some gum instead. It’s safer.