I don’t know about you, but I just can’t help loving Jessica Simpson.
Give me a dumb Texan blonde with big boobs but a heart of gold, who openly admits to binge drinking and thinks tuna is chicken, and I will automatically want to be her best friend (although only if she refrains from singing whilst we’re hanging out. Bit pitchy for me).
So, given my out-in-the-open Jessica love (which began with watching Newlyweds – yes, I even own the DVDs), I have been super excited about her pregnancy.
I’ve been excited about it mostly because I love to see pictures of celebrity mums-to-be waddling around in their maxi dresses and ridiculous heels at 8 months preggers, and for the fact that I knew Jessica would probably be more waddly than most, given her propensity for eating buttered pop tarts (try not to gag).
However, I’ve also been bathing in the glee of Jessica’s pregnancy because I literally cannot wait to hear what she calls her unborn daughter.
Now, we all know her younger sister Ashlee has a thing for the crazy names (Bronx Mowgli, anyone?) and I’ve been wondering if Jessica would go the same route. THEN I came across the most recent issue of American Elle magazine, where Jessica’s pregnancy is the star.
Not only does she do the classic Demi Moore pregnant pose on the cover, but she also gives out this little tidbit of info about the baby name in the accompanying interview:
It’s nothing shocking and nothing you’ll have to add to the dictionary. Still, when people hear it, they’ll know… why.
Er, cryptic clue or what?! Well obviously I had to get my little thinking cap on, and come up with some suggestions of what Jess is going to call her baby. Now, I just want to say before I begin, that if any of these turn out to be right, you all owe me a drink. So there. I like rum and diet coke, FYI.
The Obvious Choice
Daisy
OK, maybe a bit weird because her dead dog was called Daisy, too. But surely it makes sense that Jessica would name her first born after her role in the Dukes of Hazzard? It was the role that made her proper famous, both for the rockin’ bod and her incredible acting ability. And by that, I mean her incredible ability to be the worst actress in the world. Plus, it’s a cute and popular name that wouldn’t have to be added to a dictionary. Definite contender.
The Redneck Choice
Abilene
Abilene, Texas is where Jessica was born. And, in all honestly, I think it’s actually a very pretty name. For a redneck. See also: Texas and Dallas. Can’t you just see her hollering out one of those names, yelling to come and get ya fried chicken?
The Creepy Choice
Josephine
Are you familiar with Jessica Simpson’s dad, Papa Joe? If not, you need to You Tube his frankly rather disturbing, but also quite hilarious comments about Jessica’s breasts, sex life and everything else. Now, we all may find it highly inappropriate, but Jessica and fam do not, which is why I can totally see her paying tribute to her crazy Preacher father by naming her daughter the female version of his name. Similarly, she could go down the Erica route, in tribute to the baby daddy Eric.
The not-very-well-thought-out choice
April
I’m going out on a limb here, but appaz Jessica is due in April, which would actually make a very befitting and sweet baby name. Also, I sort of hope this is her name of choice, but that she either goes into labour early or late, thus meaning her baby is born in March or May. Hilarious. I’m a bit cruel like that.
The Wild Card
Mom Jeans
I mean, it’s what she’s best known for, right? Those too-tight jeans that the US press labelled as ‘mom jeans’? And doesn’t Mom Jeans Simpson just roll off the tongue? Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s already in the dictionary.
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