Six celebrity children I’m OBSESSED with // No, not like that *rolls eyes*

I’ve written about cute kids, like Alexander Wang’s tiny adorable neice, before. And oddly, even though I’m the least maternal out of my friends, when it comes to celebrity children, I’M OBSESSED. I have no idea why, and no; I’m no Gary Glitter. Shut up.

Here’s my current six sleb spawn on my favourites list:

Blue Ivy Carter


I didn’t want to like Beyonce’s baby. I’ve had enough with smug-face Beyonce and her Wonderful Life with her Perfect Career and Perfect Family and Perfect Fucking Figure. Ugh! But then she released pics of baby Blue Ivy Carter. And guess what? SHE’S BLOODY PERFECT TOO.

Look at that sweep of black hair! The almond eyes! The creamy skin! In fact, she looks A LOT like her mother. Damn you Beyonce! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Harper Seven Beckham

The pictures of David Beckham tenderly cradling baby Harper do funny things to my under carriage. They’re like real life Athena ads. Swoon, etc.

But sometimes I’m not sure who I think is sweeter: David? Or his little lady? Her chubba-chubba cheeks, brown mop and grumpy mouth are adorable. And the baby’s quite cute, too. Heh! I made a funny!

Lourdes ‘Lola’ Leon

Lourdes Leon
Now, amongst this list, Lourdes is practically ancient; surrounded by Newer Kids on the Celebrity Block. But, well… SHE’S MADDONA’S CHILD! THE QUEEN OF POP’S PRINCESS! And, more importantly, SHE’S ONLY FIFTEEN!

I still can’t help but coo over how much she looks like Madge, whenever I see pics of her. It’s been fifteen years, fer Chrissakes. I need to get over it. But she does, right?

Paris Jackson

Paris Jackson
NEW ENTRY IN THE TOP OF THE TOTS CHARTS! I never noticed how pretty Paris Jackson was before. probably because she was always photographed with a blanket over her head. Or a feathered mask.

Look at those eyes! She’s going to be trouble when she grows up (that’ll be next week, then). Is it me, or does she look A LOT like Lisa Marie Presley? Just sayin’…

Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise
Similarly to Beyonce, I also hate Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Something about their bull shit coated lives bothers me. I bet all sorts of sick shizzle goes down behind the closed doors chez Tom-Kat.

But equally, I also LOVE how precocious Suri Cruise is. The high heels! The make-up! The pulling faces at paps! The diva tantrums! And again, she’s ONLY FIVE. Just take a moment to consider what this little madam will be like in ten years time. I dread to fucking think (but will also be waiting with baited breath and blogging about it, no doubt).

Lily-Rose Melody Depp

Lily-Rose Melody Depp
I don’t know much about young Lily-Rose. But I DO know this: she has the combined gene pool of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. She’s going to grow up to be a) famous b) beautiful and c) a complete nightmare.

If you liked the above post try these blogs for more child star-gazing:

Oh, and if you’re also fascinated by famous foetuses, let me know. Am still feeling like a bit of a perve for ‘fessing up.

  • Comments

  • avatar

    JEREMY clarkson and Angela Rippon would be quite an interesting mix of sheer ugliness

    • avatar

      That’s a whole new blog post, Jon. Imaginary sleb offspring… hmmm…

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