Hotter than my (celebrity) daughter?

There are many, many reasons to be jealous of ‘slebs. I don’t need to tediously list them here, but highlights include: shed loads of free stuff, mammoth bank accounts, close encounters with hot men, general global adoration, you know, that stuff that all seems utterly casual to them, but we’d sell our baby brother to have (and not even feel a single shred of guilt about it, either. Or is that just me?). Having said all that (and having made myself sound super shallow in the process), there’s actually one area where I’m really bloody glad I’m not some privileged celebrity princess. Er… MILF, anyone?

Now, I love my mum, I really do. She’s beautiful and sweet and (sometimes) cool; but the point is that she dresses her age, looks her age, acts her age and I’m eternally grateful for that. Perhaps it’s my own insecurities, but having to compete with my mum for male attention would not go down well with me, at all. (Our mum’s have had their day, it’s our time now, right?!) Pity the poor celebrity spawn, then, who have to put up with their HOT mums, with just as much access to stylists/make-up artists/personal trainers/plastic surgery and the rest of that jazz as they have themselves.

Worse still, if said mum-hottie was famous years ago and a pin-up back then too, now she’s probably a total sex icon. And that’s what these pretty young things have to deal with. Seriously, pity them.

Zoe Kravitz and Lisa Bonet

I love Lisa Bonet. She was Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show, and according to Wikipedia, she’s changed her name to Lilakoi Moon. Ah-may-zing. Her daughter with DILF (that’s a whole other post) Lenny Kravitz, is the extremely pretty clothes horse Zoe Kravitz. They are all. just. too. cool. and. hot.

Liv Tyler and Bebe Buell

I used to think that Liv Tyler in Stealing Beauty was the most beautiful creature to ever walk the planet. Then, I saw a picture of her mum, infamous rock groupie Bebe, in her heyday. I can tell you now, I would not want the woman who bedded pretty much every important man in rock during the 70’s to be my mother. (Not because I think she’s a bit of a slapper, but because I’d be mega jels, obviously).

Tallulah/Rumer Willis and Demi Moore

I’m not a bitch, I promise, but I’m just going to have to be totally frank here (and I’m only going to say it once): gutted for Tallulah and Rumer that they both got their dad’s jawline. Even without their mum being ONE OF THE FREAKING HOTTEST FORTY-SOMETHINGS ON THIS PLANET.

Eva Amurri and Susan Sarandon

Oh Eva. I like you, I really do. You seem pleasant and you’re cute. But your mum is Susan Sarandon! How are you able to live down that one? According to several men I know, she’s the MILF to end all MILFS; totally natural, still with that cheeky twinkle in her eye, and probably still able to belt out ‘Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch-A Touch Me’ in her drawers with the best of them. (Just a side note – I have learnt from my *extensive* research for this piece that all men have a major thang for Sarandon in Rocky Horror. All of ’em. Go forth and use this knowledge to your advantage, ladies).

Amber Le Bon and Yasmin Le Bon

Yasmin may well be the most jealousy-inducing mother, like, ever. I’m so jealous of her I can barely see right now, and I’m not even related to her. No matter how gorgeous Amber is, she’s not really ever going to compete with her utterly stunning, super-supermodel mum, is she? I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course. But seriously, no-one can compare to Yasmin’s hotness. Even if she is only mostly doing crap Avon ads these days.

Like mother-like-daughter-like-mother-like-dau – where does it all end? And Carole Middleton,we’re looking at you, too. Just ‘cos we’ve left you off the list doesn’t mean we haven’t spotted you trying to steal Kate’s limelight in the lead-up to her impending nuptials, oh no. We’re watching you…

– Fiona Goby