Twitter: A Tword or Two

I wouldn’t have written this a year ago, as I was still firmly ensconced in my Twitter addiction. Lately, I have tried to cut my use of the site drastically, but every now and again I’ll feel the familiar pull and end up spending a few hours on there that seem like a few minutes.

So what is it about Twitter? I’m not going to be comparing it to Facebook, because I don’t use Facebook and never will. The differences between Twitter and Facebook are quite clear. At least, they seemed to be a year ago.

It’s still brilliant, is Twitter. But it has changed.

Some of the people I chat with have mentioned that it’s because more of the Facebook crowd have moved in with their less than intelligent arguments and dinner commentary (these are not my words, although I’m forced to agree slightly). But I don’t think it’s that.

My gripe is with the PC brigade. You boring, arrogant, spoil-everything-for-everyone bastards.

Before Chegwingate, Twitter was an absolute heaven. All it seemed to be was sparkling pun after pun, intelligent debate, sharp critique of Masterchef, just a dizzying whirl of fabulous people in my timeline, all entertaining me for free. I was infatuated with it. I was rarely off my phone, scrolling to see the latest jokes that came pouring out of these ordinary, yet brilliantly witty people.

I can imagine it’s how people who play World of Warcraft feel. You’d rather inhabit this other world because it’s better, more in tune with you, and nobody ever gets hurt. (Well, in World of Warcraft I assume they do, but nobody gets hurt on Twitter).

Other than egos when a joke you’re proud of isn’t retweeted.
Then the ridiculous bullying of Keith Chegwin started.
Twitter changed after that.

Now, I find I’m thinking about things I post, and have toned myself down. I was an absolute un-pc horror a year ago, I’d say anything about anything, but I’ve changed based on how Twitter has.

To be fair, I’ve not really had a lot of hassle, and that’s only because I’ve seen the hassle that my Twitter friends have received for making jokes about naughty, yet innocuous things and had to make mental notes of subjects I should avoid posting about. What kind of shit is that??

Nobody cared before, it was relaxed and everything was funny and fair game, which is as the world should be. We’re none of us special.

It’s that little band of people…you know the ones I mean. If something bad happens in a far-flung corner of the world they’re waving their hands in the air in horror and retweeting where you should be donating money every hour, on the hour. They’re telling you to march against the spread of whatnot, before it destroys the thingamajig, because it’s against the sensibilities of you-know-who. (Not Voldemort.)

I can’t stand these people. There, I said it. Can’t fucking abide them.

I know the world is a horrible place. I don’t need it repeatedly mashed into my face from every direction. I have never funded a military regime, bought sweatshop clothes, used make-up that’s been tested on animals, or supported any kind of oppression. So shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
“You idiot!” their minions will cry, “they’re just trying to make the world a better place!”
You do that, if you think it’s going to work (it won’t), just don’t tell me what I can and can’t say on a social networking site. If I want to make a joke about something unsavoury that is currently taking place on the news, I should be allowed to. Jokes are all we’ve got, and humour is how we deal with the horrors our senses are bombarded with day in and day out. If we weren’t able to let off steam by finding a bit of non-malicious humour in these situations, we’d all be fucking basket cases. Sorry, didn’t mean to rag on mental illness there.

Surely a little humour is preferable to the glorification techniques used by the various news channels? The ‘serious’ editing of their stories to show as much suffering, death and destruction as possible? Apparently not, according to what I’m seeing on Twitter.

This post is not aimed at any individual, this is based on things I’ve seen pop up in my timeline over the last eight months or so. Jokes being questioned, or criticised by those with that holier-than-thou attitude, it’s been creeping in so quietly that we hardly noticed it. They are the street charity collectors who jump into your mouth when you’re exiting HMV and ask you to donate to some shit you’ve never heard of. That’s another angry post for another day.

Ah Twitter, you were once such a fun gal. Lifting your skirt up now and again to flash us with a saucy giggle, you were a breath of cheeky air. Now you can’t lift your skirt because it’s weighed down with the sensibilities and morals that have been thrown at it, I vote you strip yourself naked and give that skirt the finger it so rightly deserves.

By the way, I may have toned myself down on most subjects, but I will never stop ripping the arsehole out of religion. I forbid you to take that away from me.

– Chrissy

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