Chrissy
TOWIE Christmas

One month until Christmas // And it’s not *all* bad…

I haven’t written anything about football recently for Le Blow’s Smack My Pitch Up section due to being so horribly, hideously busy with life all last week and over the weekend, that I barely remember…

Luis Suarez of Liverpool and John Terry of Chelsea compete

Smack my pitch up // Kicking racism out of football – literally, in the case of Suarez

I have to be honest with you, I was out most of the weekend and didn’t see any of the matches, forgot to record Match of the Day, couldn’t be bothered to iPlayer…

Pele Escape to Victory

Smack my pitch up // Three good football films (they’re not a load of balls)

Action, sci-fi or horror is what you’ll usually find in my film bag, baby, but I do occasionally love me a good sports movie. Sadly, for the most part films about football are…

Suarez mid air Merseyside Derby

Smack my pitch up // The Merseyside Derby: ducking and diving

Welcome to the all-new sexy football bit. So yesterday was Merseyside Derby day at the toffee palace of Goodison Park – and as a Liverpool fan I was hoping that I’d be writing a  smug-laden…

Euro96_Paul_Gascoigne

Oh baby…Euro you want to… (watch the football, that is. Dirty) // A girl’s guide to Euro 2012

I need to type this quickly as I may orgasm before I finish the sentence. It’s June, it’s 2012, that means it’s time for the UEFA European Football Cha- *gasp* sorry. Once again,…

The Master Mind chair

Starts and ends // Bad beginnings. And even worse endings.

I’ve started, so I’ll finish That famous sentence uttered by the late, great Magnus Magnusson during every episode of Mastermind, and every single human being who’s painted a room, ever. I’ve been thinking…

stevie-nicks-lindsey-buckingham

Doing passionate love affairs the celebrity way

LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE. The desperate, all-consuming, ‘I can’t breathe when you’re not here’, split-apart-souls-finding-each-other kind of love. I’m sure we’ve all felt it at one time or another, perhaps even right now,…

hard core quilt

The Craft! (Not Witch or Space) // AKA it’s a stitch-up…

Following on from my previous piece (two months ago, sorry) about learning crazy new skills for your own satisfaction, I want to draw your attention to a peculiar human behaviour that you’re probably…

splits

Do something STUPID // Choose your sexy new skill NOW…

Hello, let me look at you. No, not because I care what you look like, but because YOU are unique and I want to know everything that makes you tick, every little piece…

love

What women want // The actual truth. I mean it!

Listen up men. MEL GIBSON LIED TO YOU I’m going to be completely honest here. You know when you see a women or men’s interest magazine with the blurb: ‘REVEALED!! What Women ACTUALLY…

how to survive Christmas

How to survive Christmas // it’s that time of year again

Hello. Now, I think you know me pretty well at this point in our relationship. I’m not one to constantly remind you of things you’d rather forget… such as bikini wax appointments, or…

pretty woman

Love me, love my sick…

Hello. You may not remember me, I used to write things here about 74 years ago… I won’t bore you with the details of where I’ve been, but it involves settling into a…

perfume_pic

Getting scentimental // Finding my perfume soul mate

In the brilliant novel Perfume by Patrick Suskind,  the main character, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, a man born with the greatest sense of smell in the history of humanity, becomes so enamoured with the scent…

starbucks

How to… be a (high street) coffee connoisseur

Hello there! I’m a Brit type English person and I wish to discuss something of vital importance with you right now. MY FAVOURITE HOT DRINKS. Oh yes, lovely hot drinks. Well the one…

cliff-richard-singing

How to… ace at tennis (watching) // AKA the Le Blow guide to Wimbledon

So, that time of year is upon us again. The smack of felt covered rubber on tightly pulled strings, one of your healthy five a day hideously drowned in cream, the sexual grunts…

Marat Safin hot male tennis player

New balls please! // Five male tennis players we’d give a good seeding…

If you know nothing about tennis and only want to watch Wimbledon for one thing and one thing alone, allow me to help you. Before you start getting a reputation for only ‘having…

Debbie-Harry

Do clothes maketh the girl? // Confessions of a clothing chameleon…

You know that saying, the clothes make the man?  It’s an interesting one, and I think it goes back to Roman times, or is possibly biblical… but then the inimitable Shakespeare used it…

Apollonia-6-Album-Cover

Can I get a rewiiiiiiiind? Behind the video // Apollonia 6

Apollonia 6 – Sex Shooter (1984) Warning: This song and video combo is extremely sexy, if you suffer from a heart condition or plan to suffer from one in the future, I’d be…

shoppers

How to… go clothes shopping // A survival guide for the average consumer

I’m a very lucky individual. My best friend in the entire world, the woman I generally do most of my clothes shopping with, hates it as much as I do. I mean, I…

RobbieNevil-1

Can I get a rewiiiiiiiind? Behind the video // Robbie Nevil

This was a bit popular, and I liked it at the time. It’s still listenable, but is one of those awkward speed songs that require you to dance like a Spearmint Rhino employee….

too shy Kajagoogoo

Can I get a rewiiiiiiiind? Behind the video // Kajagoogoo

I’m going to do an in-depth study of a music video, chosen from my favourite decade, the ’80s. Most videos from that era are very much ‘of the time’ and so wonderfully pretentious,…

Beach reading book

Ex Libris // recommended reading: good books for beach breaks

I am a voracious reader. I usually have at least two books on the go at any one time (currently The Death of Bunny Munro and The Great Gatsby again *sigh*), and I…

heal yourself like a hippy

How to… heal yourself like a tree-hugging hippy // natural remedies are the nuts

I’ll get straight to the point; I dislike conventional medicine with a PASSION. Many years back, I suffered a particularly bad ear infection that had to be treated with two courses of harsh…

woman-in-1960s-swimsuit

Here comes summer! And along with it, ten annoying things…

Ahhh… Don’t you just love it? The lovely light nights, ice cream at any given moment, paddling in the ocean, fish and chips for tea at the seaside, Don Henley mourning when his…

onthegame

Geeky stuff // I’m on the Game

The other weekend, I spent approximately 14 hours wasting Russian mobsters, stealing helicopters, delivering packets of coke back to their rightful owners, and driving over the soft heads of innocent pedestrians. That’s just…

retro_office

Working 9-5… or not // Tales from the Job Centre

Hello. Are you currently job hunting? Well pour yourself a cup of ambition and come sit next to me, let’s put t’ruddy world to rights. There’s absolutely nothing available is there? Not that it matters…

braburners

Feminism? Shmeminism!

Disclaimer: Look, I’m well aware of the debasement of females through history, and that for simply choosing to love someone outside their own culture or religion, women are still hideously persecuted in certain…

angry-mob-simpsons

Twitter: A Tword or Two

I wouldn’t have written this a year ago, as I was still firmly ensconced in my Twitter addiction. Lately, I have tried to cut my use of the site drastically, but every now…

katy p and russell b

We saw Katy Perry’s actual face. And we liked it…

So the marriage of Katy Perry and Russell “have-we-fucked-perchance?” Brand is already in trouble. I’m ‘shocked’ to my very core. Turns out old Russ posted a photo of Katy sans her glam slap…

beauty_slogans

Bore off beauty industry, with your bullshit slogans!

[sarcasm] A week or so back, I had to buy some new mineral foundation. Try as I might, I couldn’t find one with the new ingredient that enhances you, post production. I’d sort…

weddingstyle

Four weddings and a fashion fail…

I’m going to a wedding this week. No, not mine. I’m not a dress girl, more of a permanently in jeans and a t-shirt girl, but obviously I’m having to smarten up. It’s…

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