Blow Out (and about) // Top Gun at Future Cinema

Having heard crazy urban legends and whispers about the mysterious Future / Secret Cinema experience, when I found out they were having a weekend of California Classics, featuring everyone’s favourite homoerotic macho ’80s flight film Top Gun… well, I just felt the need. THE NEED FOR SPEED.

So off we merrily trotted last Sunday to Canary Wharf station with strict instructions for registration and dress code (which we mostly ignored but DID don a pair of mirrored aviators), to be greeted by thirty men and women in aviation uniforms on parade (one of which who yelled at me for ignoring said dress code, to which I responded with the always successful and highly witty, ‘yeah. So?’) and a rogue Tom Cruise-a-like bombing about on a motorbike. At which point we KNEW we were on a highway to the DANGERZONE… or at least to a secret location just a hop skip and a jump away to have the time of our lives…

Escorted into said secret location, we found ourselves slap bang in fighter town amongst recreated sets from the movie, complete with beach and ACTUAL volleyball net, flight training classroom, bedroom (my attempts to French kiss my housemate in silhouette on Tom Cruise’s bed were unfortunately rebuffed. Spoilsport) and locker room (hello).

At this stage our senses were on overload – and not just cos of the ‘Glastonbury’ approach we’d taken to the afternoon (pick ‘n’ mix, mixed up alcohol for the journey, crisps and an emergency Mars Bar) but mostly cos of this guy:

So after running around like a hopped-up on sugar (cider) 8 (29) year old at a theme park, we were propelled to new levels of excitement by a two hour ’80s power ballad soundtrack provided by those genius Guilty Pleasures DJs.

By the time the film actually came on, I was ready for a glass of milk and a nap (Kelly McGillis would totes have felt the same, I’m sure).

Unfortunately no amount of re-created beach scenes and topless volleyball (you heard) could mask the grotty London weather (although drizzle + men in white uniforms = men in see-through white uniforms. Giggety) which did somewhat ruin the experience.

However, the spontaneous karaoke throughout the film, and whoops and cheers for KILLER lines such as:

Take me to bed or loose me forever

(which is DEFINATELY my new chat up line) were awesome, and there is no way on earth I will ever be able to be quiet and good (and sober) through any future normal cinematic experience (and I would like to apologise to all future dates now – though with a chat up line like the above, this may not be something to worry about…)

Let’s summarise the whole experience with this image which I have entitled DANGER Noodles: