How to… look like you’re NOT hungover at work (when really you are)

Last night is all a haze of air guitar, sambuca shots and impromptu bus karaoke. You’ve woken up late for work, totally confused, still dressed and smelling something like Pete Doherty after a five-day binge. We’ve all been there. I’ve been there, more times than I care to remember, which is why I’ve pooled my expertise in the area of faking a non-hangover, so that you can follow my advice and avoid the eagle-eyed, mean-spirited ‘tut tut tut’ of the boss…

NEVER skip the morning shower

EVER. Just don’t. If you do, everyone will smell you a mile off. This is one area where it’s not worth the extra ten minutes in bed, no matter how much your head hurts. Do feel free to skip the hair wash though; that’s why Batiste Dry Shampoo was invented, after all.

A bun doughnut is your new best friend

You know what I’m talking about; those little spongy doughnuts your mum used to put in your hair for ballet. Get down to Boots and invest in one before your next big piss-up on a school night.

With these little beauties, not only is your (most probably wine soaked) hair hidden away and tucked back, but there is also a focal point away from your face. Which, when you’re hungover, can only be a good thing.

Don’t be tempted to just throw together a top knot without any help from your little doughnut friend; as much as that’s a great look, when you’re hungover to the maximum it will only look scruffy. A doughnut bun will keep it more ballerina than been-on-a-bender.

Less is more

A common mistake I used to make in attempting to not look hungover was to cake on more makeup than usual, believing it to hide the pallor.

Not so, my friends, not so. You end up looking like a tired clown in reality. Keep make-up light and fresh, which will also save you time, and know which products to use:a tinted moisturiser, a good highlighter, a strong concealer and a light pink natural blusher will all keep you looking alive.

Avoid kohl eyeliner; smudgy eyes + a tired expression = looking like a sleep-deprived groupie.

Pre-pick your outfit

As incredible as they are, today is not the day to try out your new Jil Sander-esque neon pink tapered trousers; all eyes will end up on you, and that’s not what you want. Instead, have a go-to hangover outfit that is inconspicuous enough to not make you stand out, and comfy enough that it will keep you in good stead should you decide to have that afternoon nap under your desk.

Also, layer up. The hangover sweats are known to come on at anytime, and they can quickly give way to the hangover shivers, so like a scout, you should be prepared (doubt this is what they had in mind when they coined the term, though).

Don’t give up the game

When you get to work, don’t head straight to the coffee or grab a huge Red Bull to down, unless that’s your normal routine. The sound of excessive caffeine consumption will make your nosey boss’s ears prick up. Try Penguin mints, which contain caffeine (and will help keep the wine breath away) or keep the Lucozade and the like well-hidden.

Stay hydrated

Sounds obvious, but coming from someone who drinks nigh on four litres of water a day (I’m seriously not even exaggerating) it’s the best thing you can do. Yep, you’ll pee a lot, but frankly when you’re that hungover a trip to the loos is a welcome distraction from the whirring machinery in your head, isn’t it?

Don’t swear you won’t do it ever again…

… because we all know you will.

– Fiona Goby

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