How to open a coconut // Desert island skillz

How to open a coconut?

Smash the absolute shit out of it with a hammer.

The End.

Seriously, I’m not that far off the truth with my methodology. If Bear Grylls were confronted with a coconut in a desert island situation, that’s how he’d open it (I’m pretty sure, anyway).

If you want to crack open your coconut neatly in two halves, here’s the how to (I haven’t tried this; I like my coconut creamed and in a delicious piña colada). All you’ll need is a heavy knife like a meat cleaver or machete. Sure. And a steady hand, I’d imagine.

Oh, and a bowl you can crack the coconut over so you can catch the milk when the nut splits. This is all starting to sound a bit saucy. You can see where Nigella gets it from now, eh?

Look into the eyes

1. On the bottom of the coconut, there’ll be 2-3 dark bits AKA the eyes.
2. Look into the coconut’s eyes (not around the eyes; INTO the eyes) and find the seam that runs between them.
3. Follow that seam to the centre or ‘equator’ of the coconut.
4. Hold the coconut in one hand with the equator in your palm, the eyes facing to one side.
5. With the blunt edge of the knife (not the fucking blade), firmly tap around the equator, turning the coconut as you go.
6. Keep tapping and turning until the coconut splits open.
7. It’ll probably take two or three turns, but if you do it right, you’ll have two equal halves.
8. Ta-daaa!

When it’s all over, you should probably have cuddles with the coconut, as he’ll no doubt be feeling empty inside. I’ve heard coconuts are quite shy, too. Annnnd I’m done.

Images: nataliedee.com and weheartit.com