If your name’s not down, you’re not coming in // Observations of a Door Whore (heh)

If you’re a regular raver you will probably have countless stories about unreasonable door staff. From the bitches with clip boards to power tripping bouncers. Well, I’ve been one of those bitches and have seen it all. Here are some things you might not know concerning door staff:

1. Door girls have to deal with drunk guys who have been knocked back by EVERY girl inside the club. In their last ditch attempt to take something other than a box of Kleenex home, the door girl looks fresh and sober having not witnessed their exploits inside the club. They have heard about them though. Never going to happen mate.

2. Drunk people are soooo annoying. They take ages to leave. They want to stay, nurse their last drink and rinse the night for as long as they can. The staff just want to get all the coats and throw them in a pile on the dance floor, tell everyone to get the hell out so they can tidy up, put the music back on and get hammered themselves.

3. Bouncers have a sense of humour. I spent many a night playing games with them such as ‘Rat or Pig’. (Everyone looks like either a rat or a pig and we would tally up and place bets on how many of which came in during the night).

Or, ‘Find the Key’ where we’d hide a key somewhere on ourselves and try and find it with the metal detector (bouncers ALWAYS hide the key in their pants).

Or ‘Fatter, thinner’, where they had to say whether the girls that came in were fatter or thinner than me (a recipe for disaster). One of my favourite bouncer moments was when one stopped this girl on her way in and asked her if she had been in already. She swore blind she hadn’t. He then said “That’s strange. There must be a girl inside with the EXACT same outfit as you”. She cried, actually cried. I laughed.

4. They don’t turn you away for no reason. It’s usually because you are too drunk and no one likes cleaning up vom or breaking up fights. Or, it’s because it’s soooo not your scene, you’d hate it in there and they are just saving having to argue with you about a refund in five minutes.

5. They don’t really think you look underage. They ask you for I.D to make you feel good about yourself. Or, if you’re hot, to see if your star sign is compatible with theirs.

Working on the door taught me a lot about people, especially drunk people. I saved loads of money as I got paid to not go out and spend money while still getting my clubbing fix. I got to trialmillions of outfits and make up looks that are too extreme for daytime. And it didn’t curb my drinking and raving. It just taught me how to do it for free.

- Jude Brosnan

About Jude Brosnan

‘Looks like she has been covered in pritstick and rolled through Claire’s Accessories’. This is both the nicest and worstest thing anyone has ever said about her.

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