pink adidas gazelles natalie wall

On taking small steps

The title of this post could mean many things, I s’pose.

Firstly, it could be all, ‘hey, look at my nifty pink Gazelles guys!’ Which I actually bought about seven years ago, before we got the nod of approval from Kate Moss that they were cool again.

It could allude to the fact I’ve been ill, really fucking ill, over the last couple of months or so and am FINALLY emerging from my self-induced hibernation, tentatively stepping out into the daylight again. Side note: Where the fuck is summer at, anyway? Did I miss it?

Maybe it’s more about the fact that, as part of the weird AF neurological symptoms I was suffering from (won’t bore you here but just know that the docs were at one point testing to see if I’d had a stroke, true story bro), while I was out walking with my boyfriend, my left leg stopped working properly and went completely dead.

We of course did the only thing you can do in that sort of situation, which was to take the piss out of me trying to walk back home while dragging my lame limb all the way, like an apoplectic zombie (all the lols). They were certainly small steps indeed.

So er yeah, it could be about all the above, and in a way I guess in a way it is, but the inspiration behind the post is really about sometimes having to take life step-by-step, day-by-day (every second counts, I can’t bre-aaak awaaaaay < hidden song reference there, no prizes for correctly identifying it though).

You see, when I look back, I’ve basically been on the go since forever. Even as a child, I’d go to school, achieve high grades (soz #humblebrag but hel-lo brain drain), participate in every after school club and athletics, as well as having swimming and ballet lessons, plus attending Brownies every week.

That choc-a-block scheduling seemed to set the tone for the rest of my life: I’ve always been used to having a busy agenda; being busy is seen to be better, and doing nothing is a big fat no-no. DON’T WASTE A SECOND OF THE DAY DOING NADA.

I’ve gone on to work in busy, competitive, industries (I wrote about this here), in a particularly fast-paced sector – social media, where time waits for no (wo)man; it’s always about creating the next thing, and moving ever onwards – don’t ever, for fuck’s sake, look back or rest on your laurels or someone or something will swoop and overtake you, gurl. ONWARDS, EVER ONWARDS.

So it’s been kinda life-changing to have been forced to slow down, to take things one simple step at a time.

I’ve gone from being the gal who had multiple to-do lists with 329803900 different items on the go, to being much, much easier on myself. If the only thing I accomplish in a day is going out to get a soya latte, then so be it.

I’ve had to indulge in a little self-nurturing, and TBH it’s been a shock at just how difficult I’ve found that. To not have anything in the diary, to not have places to go, people to see. If I try to do too much, my body just won’t have any of it at the mo, and renders me bed-bound again.

But sometimes, in order to move forward, you have to stand still, and just BE.

This quiet time and solitude has given me a chance to think, to dream, and recognise that this is exactly the way it’s meant to be right now. Everything will be OK – this is just part of the journey.

Going at my own pace and embracing simplicity means I’m learning to accept, surrender and just generally cultivate a deeper gratitude for the beautiful things that already exist in my life.

With an eye made quiet by the power
Of harmony, and the deep power of joy,
We see into the life of things. ~ William Wordsworth

So I’m going with flow and trusting that the Universe is leading me every step of the way, and knows the next move.

And no, I’m not on drugs, and yes, I have been meditating LOADS.

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