15 truths about what having a baby’s REALLY like

I should start by saying that I never really wanted to have kids (children if my husband is reading this, he hates people saying ‘kids’ as they’re baby goats apparently) so I was pretty miffed when I got pregnant about two months after we started ‘trying’. At 36 I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant because I kept hearing that after 35 your fertility drops off, yada yada yada.

1. Nobody but you can decide if and when you should have a child. Sounds obvious, right? I’m afraid I spent quite a lot of time on the Internet Googling things such as ‘should I have a baby’ and ‘pros and cons of having a baby’. I’m not sure how much it really helped as without doing it you can’t ever really know what it’s like – and once you’ve started down that road (time-travel notwithstanding) you can’t go back.

2. Wishing you hadn’t done something won’t make it not have happened. I spent a lot of unproductive time wondering what on earth I had done to my life (which I loved pre-baby, by the way) and wishing I had a time-machine etc. It doesn’t serve any useful purpose and probably just makes you feel worse.

3. Accept that you will have lots of ideas about things you’ll do when you’ve had the baby and when reality sets in you may not do those things. My friend at work helpfully bit her tongue when I kept banging on about not putting tons of nappies in landfill and using washable ones even though she knew it may not happen. I think I used one once and do feel bad about the environmental impact of my offspring but there were other things to be concerned about, like sleep or a lack thereof.

4. Ignore all those people who tell you their baby slept through the night at 6 weeks old. It’s most likely bullshit or their definition of ‘through the night’ is 11pm to 4am. I don’t know about you but I need more sleep than that!

5. Get your thyroid checked if you’re having trouble losing weight or you’re feeling excessively low. I only found out I had an underactive thyroid when my son was over a year old after I cried on the doctor. ‘Low mood’ is one of the signs and it seems to be fairly common after having a baby.

6. Ignore all those women who tell you your periods will get better after having a baby. I’m calling bullshit on that one. Or perhaps someone just needs to define ‘better’ for me?

7. If you feel well enough, try to enjoy your pregnancy. A friend told me she loved how much people fuss over you when you’re pregnant and it’s true. You really are a focus of attention because it’s really quite amazing isn’t it (if a little Alien!)?

8. Don’t believe the myth that you can eat what you like when you breastfeed. Apparently they don’t mean it to be taken literally. I ate far too many chocolate biscuits and was wearing maternity jeans a few months on. In fact I bumped into an old neighbour when my son was a few months old (he wasn’t with me) and she asked when the baby was due. Not my happiest moment!

9. Don’t stress about the idea of labour and birth. I really think it’s the wrong bit to focus on. Seriously, once you’re past that bit (maybe a day or two at worst) you are responsible for that tiny human for bloody years! Yes, pushing a baby out hurts and people joke about it being ‘like your partner watching their favourite pub burn down’ and maybe it is, but things will probably go back to more or less how they were before. More or less.

10. You will most likely spend quite a lot of time just staring at your baby in amazement and saying ‘we made him/her’.

11. First times of things with babies and toddlers are lovely. My boy said for the first time the other day ‘mummy, I love you mummy’. It melted even my hard heart!

12. Lots of mums (particularly on the mummy forums) will make out you cannot be ‘complete’ or truly know what love is without having a child, blah blah blah. I don’t think that’s true at all. What works for one isn’t what works for another. If you really feel that strongly about not having children you probably shouldn’t. They make out being ‘child-less’ is a bad thing where as being ‘child-free’ can be a blessing. I still find I listen with envy to what my child-free friends are doing. I get some ‘me time’ but it’s not quite the same as having a whole weekend to sit around doing what you like or popping out for a peaceful look around the shops etc. Life is not the same once you have a child.

13. We parents get to look forward to ‘legitimate’ trips to Disney World and other fun places. I’m quite excited about this!

14. People will want to know when you’re having another baby. When I got engaged someone wisely told me people will always try to push you onto the next thing. Engaged? So when are you getting married? Married? When are you having a baby? And so on. It’s funny though that given the number of marriages that fail nobody ever asks when you’ll be getting divorced.

15. Having a child IS hard work but it really is lovely and as negative as some of the above points sound I really wouldn’t go back and not do it, even if I did have that time machine.

Image credit:  Instagram | kelli_murray