Following my post on threesomes – of the all-girl singing variety that is you filthy-minded SWINES – I felt the need to ruminate on terrible (and not so terrible, atch) twosomes from the ’80s and ’90s. Here we go…
Shampoo
‘Uh-oh. We’re in trouble. Something’s come along and it’s burst our bubble (yeah yeah).`
‘Twas actually ‘riot grrrrl’ group Shampoo who initially inspired this entire post.
Whilst there’s no denying their music was pretty screechy, and really I can only recall this one single if I’m honest (but I hear tell they were mahoosive in… Japan), it struck me that Shampoo are so NOW in the style stakes: pink hair; bold lips; silver trousers, masculine tailoring; an appreciation of all things plastic, kitsch, and pink (the album artwork for ‘We Are Shampoo’ was all Barbie dolls and sweet wrappers) with a punkish tendencies.
They often cited their main influences being the Sex Pistols, Gary Numan and the Beastie Boys… and East 17 and Take That. Sure.
Alisha’s Attic
‘I am, I feel, like… I wanna bite his head off – yeah that’d be fun – cos I sure got an appetite‘. Er?
Looking back, I now realise I actually quite liked Alisha’s Attic in the late 1990s and early 2000s.
Singer Shelly may or may not have inspired me to put a bindi on my forehead in the mid-nineties and hang about! These sisters could actually sing, couldn’t they? Bless ’em.
Think they went on to have successful careers as song-writers (ironically, with insane lyrics like the ones above, eh?). Not sure if they still smother themselves in body glitter or not.
t.A.T.u
‘All the things she said, all the things she said running through my head running through my head (running through my head)`
I say ‘t.A.T.u’, you say: ‘tomato’. No, ‘LESBIANS!’ Right? And schoolgirl ones at that. But you’d be quite right; their name means ‘this girl loves that girl’ in Russian – from whence they came.
Don’t judge me if I ‘fess up that I actually quite like this song. And the video? Well… blimes! I suspect a lot of gentlemen enjoy(ed) wa… tching this video of young school girls cavorting about in a rainy schoolyard… right?
Mel and Kim
‘Tay! Tay! Tay! Tay! T-t-t-t-t-tay, tay! Take or leave us, only please believe us – we ain’t ever gonna be respectable (respectable)`.
Bloody brilliant. Mel and Kim were hawt. Fond of headgear worn at a jaunty ’80s angle and a nifty repetitive dance move, this was one of my fave songs as a nipper. I reckon Beyonce was also a fan, too – did you SEE her ‘Countdown’ video?!
Sadly, poor Mel died of pneumonia following a battle against cancer aged just 23. Kim went on – with the help of her boyfriend at the time, Bros bassist Craig Logan – to have a solo career. Remember Don’t Worry and G.L.A.D? N’aww.
Shakespear’s Sister
‘You’re history (like a beat up car) no good for me (like an old film star). You’re history (that’s what you are). Na na na na.‘
Oh, I couldn’t decide which vid to pick so I left them both in.
Shakespears Sister were excellent. Featuring her out of Bananarama and that other one, their name was inspired by the similarly titled song by The Smiths.
I’m looking for an excuse to dress up as them one Halloween, if anyone’s interested. We can organise it via the contact form on site. I’m SERIOUS!
Daphne and Celeste
‘Ooh stick you. Your mama too. And your daddy!’ [repeat a LOT]
What always amused me about this despicable pair (no, not them getting heavily pelted with water bottles at Reading Festival in 2000), but considering they sang a song about how U.G.L.Y. we all are is they were both very unfortunate looking themselves. Ugh.
Brandy & Monica
Brandy: Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute?
Monica: Uh huh, sure you know, you look kinda familiar.
Brandy: Yeah, you do too but, umm, I just wanted to know do you know somebody named you, you know his name.
Monica: Oh, yeah definitely, I know his name.
Brandy: I just wanted to let you know that he’s mine.
I know I’m cheating slightly here but see if I give a shit. It’s just a top R&B track from the ’90s and whilst this might fall more into the category of ‘duet’, it’s MY post and therefore MY rules go. ‘Kay?
Pepsi & Shirlie
Also known as Wham!’s backing singers, ‘Heartache’ was their debut single released in 1986, reaching number 2 in the UK charts. The rest of their singles pretty much flopped, but Shirley went on to marry Martin Kemp of Spandau Ballet, so that was a result.
The Reynolds Girls
Apparently this dastardly Irish duo was the downfall of Stock, Aitken and Waterman in the 80s, and after clocking the vid, you’ll see why.
I’d rather jack off a pig, Rebecca Loos style, than have to listen to this pile ‘o’ shite, but kudos to the girls and their double denim + Breton stripes + Converse + intricate layering. I’ll leave you with this comment from a punter under the video on YouTube:
I remember this utter shit when it arrived on the scene. It wasn’t supposed to be ironic, it was Pete ‘The Cunt’ Waterman saying what he actually thought. Terrible bastardry to the nth degree.
Hur hur.
FEMALE SINGING DUOS OF THE 80S AND 90S PLAYLIST >>
Comments
Wil
Dear Natalie, I’ve been trying for years to remember a female duo of the 80s or 90s. Thought I might find them mentioned on your site. Unfortunately not. Can you help? One of them had very short cropped hair, perhaps they both did. One of them came from Scotland or the north of England … Or perhaps they both did.You can see why I’ve not been very successful. One of them, or perhaps both, might have been lesbian. They had one HIT with a very haunting tune which sort of used the same refrain THROUGHOUT. I remember seeing them on a TV programme explaining how they wrote the song. I loved the song and the GRoup, but I can’t remember the lyrics or tune. Any idea? Thanks.( My email should be lower case)