Sooki is Founding Editor of the online fashion blog ironyisacupcake.com. It only launched last month and is already getting seventy zillion hits a week (from all of Sooki’s friends, mostly – that and the fact she totally made that stat up). She likes to think of herself as a mini celebrity in Dunstable, where she’s […]
Timothy is a tennis toff; a member of the prestigious Queen’s Tennis Club in West Kensington (second only to that All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club down the road. He couldn’t get in there). However, he only plays tennis for two weeks of the year, when Wimbledon’s on. And by playing tennis, we mean […]
SUPER INJUNCTION! is a Premiership footballer, playing for SUPER INJUNCTION! FC. He married his childhood sweetheart, SUPER INJUNCTION! some eight years ago and they have two young children, SUPER INJUNCTION! and SUPER INJUNCTION! But that hasn’t stopped randy SUPER INJUNCTION! from romping with ex Page Three model and reality TV regular, SUPER INJUNCTION!, oh no. […]
Caroline “The Brand” Jenkins has an impressive ‘re-soo-mey’* and could sell ice to the Eskimos. Her first word wasn’t ‘mummy’, it was ‘money’. Everything she touches turns to SOLD. Yet she’s not a cliché, oh no. She likes to think outside the box; if she was an apple pie, the apples would be ORANGE. And […]
Dedicated Elspeth Walpole, 76, from Pratts Bottom in Kent, is what one might call a ‘royal enthusiast’ for she’s simply mad about the monarchy. Armed with her fold-up chair, two carrier bags and inconspicuous Union Jack tent, she was the first Royal Wedding fan to stake out a prime spot in front of Westminster Abbey […]
Wears more fluoro than a ’90s warehouse raver. Flashier sports gear than the entire British Olympic team: the snazzy waterproof jacket, the super snug Lycra cycling shorts (as tight fitting as a bum in a bucket), the sci-fi wrap-around shades and the aerodynamic pointy cycling helmet. If he’s that fucking fit, why doesn’t he cycle […]
Achingly attractive, snake-hipped French couple who are far too cool for school. And very, very beautiful <pout> Koople of smug bastards, more like. He’s a painter, she’s a model. No, wait – she’s a photographer, he’s a musician. You what now? He’s a secret agent and she’s a fire-eating, horse-riding mime artist? Whatever. <dramatic hair […]
Balding (badly). Fat, though tall. Mid 40s but looks older. His height used to disguise his weight but now those glutinous biz lunches have taken their toll with the appearance of a paunch jutting out proudly over his trousers. Wears an ill-fitting suit with those grotesque jumbo pin-stripes. Jazzy socks. Blingy cuff-links. Tie with a […]
Probably called Esmeralda, or Tabitha, or other names ending in ‘aaaa’. Yah? Fashion Editor for a very serious, glossy women’s magazine, probably a one word title like POUT or SCOOP or LAAAH-DEE-FUCKING-DAAAAAHHHLING. Dresses solely in black. Always this season’s must-have shape, mind, but always in black. A pleated skirt for example. With Louboutins. And a […]
TOP
