The Olympics 2012 // We should totes get a gold medal for the epic Opening Ceremony


*rings big Olympiad bell. And enjoys writing Olympiad*

At Le Blow we will of course be bringing you all the up-to-the minute sporting news as and when it happens.

OK, that’s a massive lie but we WILL take the piss out of the Opening Ceremony and post lots of pictures of Tom Daley in his pants.

Tom Daley in his pants


Call us emotional old goats but actually – ACTUALLY – the Opening Ceremony was Ruddy Phenomenal. Ol’ Danny Boyle may be completely off his tits* but my God, the man is a genius.

If you didn’t see it… WHY THE ‘EFFING HELL NOT? But no fear * Des Lynam voice* here are our highlights from the big event…


Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012

    • Bradley Wiggins aka Mod-on-a-bike ringing a massive bell

Is it just me or did Wiggo get hot? Not only is he the best Britain in the world ever (official) but he’s also a Mod. I would.

bradley wiggins olympics opening ceremony

  • Kenneth Branagh’s acting face

Mr Branagh (Branaaaaaaah, BRAna, Braaaaaaa-naaaahhhhh) has been waiting his entire life to glue on some sideburns and read some Shakespeare in front of eighty bazillion people. Go him. And his EXCELLENT acting face which he maintained for a good hour without blinking/breathing/giggling. WELL DONE, sir. And well done RADA. (Also is it just me or does he also have a fake ear on? Awkward).

Kenneth Branagh Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012

Kenneth Branagh Opening Ceremony 2012

  • Trevor Nelson commentating

And why the hell not. Im voting the dream team to Commentate the closing ceremony. Or DJ Luck and MC Neat.

  • The Queen and James Bond

Sorry, I don’t think you heard me I said THE QUEEN AND JAMES BOND. The ACTUAL Queen. And the ACTUAL James Bond. Talking and walking and jumping out of planes.

You can say what you want about the Queen being a grumpy guts who got bored after approx 2.3 seconds of the Opening Ceremony BUT she is legend. And not only that but a legend in coral. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. And also her stunt double – for he too, is an excellent.

The Queen and James Bond Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012The Queen's stunt double Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012

  • Mr Bean

Always funny, never gets old. Had us wetting our knicks. Yes, world this is one of our greatest achievements. Behold.



Of course he didn’t get a fly in his eye. Or a snot bubble. He is Beckham. He is god.


  • JK Rowling scared the shit out of us

After a lovely trbute to the NHS and Great Ormond Street, JK Rowling comes on and SCARES US ALL SHITLESS with rollerskating monkey beasts and massive puppety Voldemorts. Night night children. Sleep well (OR NEVER AGAIN).


I would like to confirm that after much studious research and investigative journalism WE STILL HAVEN’T GOT THE FOGGIEST. You’re welcome.

Noel Fielding Child Catcher Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012Noel Fielding Child Catcher Olympics Opening Ceremony 2012

  • Arctic Monkeys

Well more specifically Alex Turner’s new haircut. Don’t try to distract us with winged cyclists; we are all trying to work out what hair product he uses and whether Alexa is at home crying into her, erm Alexa.

Arctic Monkeys Olmpics Opening Ceremony 2012

  • The man who invented the internet

There is a man, who invented the internet. And he is British. Who knew? You probably did. I didn’t). And he looks like this. And he has a very good ‘pretending to be on a computer when Im really at a fuck off huge opening ceremony’ face.


  • 7/7 tribute

A 10 year old boy, 50 dancers, and a GORGEOUS Emeli Sandé performed a touching tribute to those killed, and affected by the 7/7 London bombings. Which NBC promptly cut out, to an interview with Ryan Seacrest. THERE ARE NO WORDS (Only two. Moronic Yanks)


  • Lots of flags and fire

OK, we didn’t REALLY understand this bit. It took place between 11pm-1am and we were shitfaced, but we CAN summize that:

1)      There are A LOT of countries in the Olympics

2)      Team America (fuck yeah) are pretty fit

3)      Fire-y Olympic rings make us cry like babies. And make our hearts swell with pride (and gin).

We had a nice time. Did you?

*completely unfounded but probably true

  • Comments

  • avatar

    Hahahahaha! Very good. Very very good. I vote you to do the commentary next time. When we’re all approx 75. Oh.

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