The Queen Coronation 1953

When Queens go bad // Why Queen Elizabeth II is a Diamond (Jubilee) in the rough

The sage words of Bubba Sparxxx:

Shit I ain’t choose to rhyme; rhymin’ chose me

This pretty much sums up a Queen’s royal obligation in a neat rap metaphor.

Queens are born into royal life without a choice. If they happen to have half a brain we count ourselves lucky, and such is the cause for Jubilee celebrations this weekend.

The Queen Coronation 1953

Let’s take a look at the oratory of a cross-section of notable Queens (admittedly some are fictional) to remind ourselves how controversial the monarchy can be…

First I’m going to have a little drinky…and then I’m going to execute the whole bally lot of you!
– Queenie, Blackadder 11

Miranda Richardson as Elizabeth I

Our favourite Blackadder lunatic (aka Miranda Richardson’s caricature of Elizabeth 1) strikes fear into her subjects with her insane narcissism and love of refreshment.
See: Blackadder 11

I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too.
– Elizabeth I (1533-1603)

Queen Elizabeth I

The real Elizabeth 1 (aka The Virgin Queen) wasn’t adverse to a beheading herself (RIP Mary Queen of Scots). She did have a love of words though and under her reign English dramatists such as Shakespeare flourished.
See: Elizabeth, Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet

…off with his head!
– The Queen of Hearts, Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland

The Queen of Hearts, Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

Are we discovering a little known trend here? Just how much do Queens love a bloody good execution?!
See: Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland

I have seen all, I have heard all, I have forgotten all.
– Marie Antoinette (1755-1793)

Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette (AKA Queen Consort of France) was fond of what we now call ‘doing a Prince Philip’, essentially being so inappropriately out-of-touch it’s offensive. In an ironic twist of fate, after the execution of her hubby (Louis XVI) Marie herself was herself convicted of treason and (you guessed it) beheaded.
See: Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette

I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.
– Elizabeth II

Helen Mirren as the Queen

I hope you’ll agree we’ve got off lightly with our current Queen. With a love of corgis (and Phillip) over beheading, we think she’s got her priorities almost sorted.
See: Stephen Frears’ The Queen

Happy Diamond Jubilee, Queenie – Gawd Save The Queen!

  • Comments

  • Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *