Oh Lola! Oh Marc! Oh dear… // Your new perfume ad’s a bit saucy, ain’t it?

Marc, Marc, Marc. We LOVE you for providing lipstick pens and heart mirrors that cost us sub £10 and make our not-so-whiley friends think we are WELL rich, WELL chic, and WELL boffing someone with some serious Jacobs discount.

And, oh! How we look forward to your ad campaigns. They’re so ‘quirky’ and ‘cool’ and make us feel like you’re not just a multi-million conglomerate set out to trick us into thinking that £2k is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend on a handbag (mortgage? What mortgage? This cardboard box serves perfectly as an open plan retro studio apartment, tar).

Stick Victoria Beckham in a paper bag with a dunce’s cap on? YES MARC YES. YOU’RE A GOD DAMN GENIUS.

Heleham bonham carter looking… well, completely doolally and doing batty old aunt like no one else can? A-HAHA MARC YOU’RE SO ‘FUNNY’.

Dakota Fanning with a perfume bottle and ‘flower’ shoved up her fanoola? HAHAHAHA – oh hang on a minute.

Oh, wait. I SEE: it’s called LOLA, and it’s a FLOWER and it’s her FANOOLA and she’s looking all LONGING and UNDERAGE. Oh I get it. No wait, I don’t. Make it stop – NOW thanks.

May I suggest an image of JonBenét Ramsey sitting atop a jar, staring longingly at her own misspent youth? It’d be more subtle.