Achingly attractive, snake-hipped French couple who are far too cool for school. And very, very beautiful <pout> Koople of smug bastards, more like.
He’s a painter, she’s a model. No, wait – she’s a photographer, he’s a musician. You what now? He’s a secret agent and she’s a fire-eating, horse-riding mime artist? Whatever. <dramatic hair swish>
His name is Hansel; her name is Gretel. She is 19, he is 47 but he told her he’s 32 <the swine> He named a star after her; she gave him an amazing blow job.
They met in a club where she was DJ-ing and he was reciting poetry. He dedicated a poem, ‘Mon Petite Mange Tout’ to her and they haven’t stopped holding hands since. Even in the shower/at the supermarket/down the job centre <bites lip> They’ve been a couple for four years. And ridiculously good looking ALL THEIR LIVES. <stare meaningfully at camera>
They have perfected nonchalant his-‘n’-hers hipster style. She wears his blazer, he wears her skinny jeans. She wears his shirt, he wears her silk knickers. And sometimes her pointy stilettos. When she isn’t looking. <zut alors!> He parts his fringe to the left, she parts hers to the right – and that, my friend, is the only way of telling them apart.
C’est magnifique!
– Words: Natalie Wall // Illustration: Libby Freshwater
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