These things made us do a WTF? // Darryn Lyons’ stomach churning bod and fancying Fred West…

Bit of a telly slash film focus this week. Like a shit version of Film 2011, if you will. Or Anne Robinson’s Points of View. Anyway! These are the things mostly making us do a ‘WTF?’ this week. Behold…

Rack off!

Imagine if you will, a topless, sculpted Australian male blessed with a ripped six pack (and I’m not talking tinnies) strutting around in front of you like the cock of the blinkin’ walk. What’s not to love huh? Well, in this case, a WHOLE lot:

Darren Lyons' abs

If you tuned in to watch tubsome pap-twat Darryn Lyons stripping off in the “Celebrity” Big Brother house this week you are probably still wiping the residue of spag bol splattered across your goggle-box as you guffawed your way through this terrifying spectacle .

Lyons revealed he forked out £13, 000 for his ‘body contouring’ – where precise removal of superficial and deep fat around muscle groups is meant to enhance the visibility of washboard abs.

Viewing Darryn’s bloated, segmented torso was not unlike watching an unfortunate woodlouse that had made it’s way into your bath, writhing around on it’s back before you smash it with a bottle of Radox / swish it down the plughole. *CHUNDER*

Lock up your daughters! No, seriously. Lock them up.

Toff totty Dominic West has been transformed from hot cop to patio enthusiast Fred West for new ITV drama Appropriate Adult.

Donning a fetching padded gilet, thousand-yard stare and Nan-knitted Christmas jumper, our Dom has been remodelled on lady-bothering serial killer West and quite frankly – the similarity is uncanny… Which puts us in a tricksy situation.

We want whiskey-soaked, philandering, car crash McNulty back NOW – miles more expectable to fancy than a fruitcake in a boiler suit.

What the chuffin’ barmcake?… Anne Hathaway butchers Yorkshire accent in One Day

Ow do! Everyone knows this is how Yorkshire folk speak. They are not from chuffin’ Cambridge or bloodeh South Africa.

Why they plumped for vanilla flavoured Hathers over home grown talent is beyond me. Once Hathaway had read the script for One Day, her groundwork kicked off with a frenzied Emmerdale box-set session to get the accent spot on. If only someone had given her Bo Selector on DVD instead, she would’ve had the dulcet tones of Spice Girl Mel B to steer her towards acting gold…. Y’bastard!

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