The Manifesto // Why do men always fart / put their hand down their tackle when watching telly / sit with their legs akimbo etc?

The Le Blow Manifesto. Five men, telling it like it is. On subjects what matter. Like:

This week, why do men insist on fiddling with their nuts? Why do men sit with their legs open? And why do men FART? Go!

MAN 1 //

Farting aside – it all comes down to the sheer wonder of having a penis. Imagine for a second that you have a device more addictive and more fun than your mobile phone. And now imagine that it was literally a part of you. Wouldn’t you want to touch it every five seconds?

Of course, if your man’s constant cock-fumbling gets irritating there’s one way to bring it to a halt – and that’s grabbing it yourself. He won’t mind, trust me.

MAN 2 //

Men do not always do these things. We are prone to this behaviour certainly, but only in the way that women are always gossiping/ getting directions wrong/driving badly- my point is that these are stereotypical, dated views.We fart, but so do you. If we’re farting in front of you, it means we feel comfortable in your presence. Mind you, if it’s a first date, he’s a lost fucking cause. Sack him off.

MAN 3 //

Whoa, wait a minute lady.

This question suggests ALL men partake in such activities. We really don’t… or at least I don’t. I’m not going to say I don’t fart but I certainly don’t sit with my hand down my drawers whilst watching MasterChef. Only the lads and lasses in chef whites are working with a handful of berries in my living room.

However I do admit (having put my high horse back in it’s tall stable) to sitting legs akimbo on the sofa and the reason is simple enough… it’s bloody comfortable.

I invite you to take two minutes to source a faux cock and balls (the Blue Peter fan in me suggests two small yoghurt pots and a cardboard tube) and sit with your legs together. Do you now see?

Test results on a blog comment please…

MAN 4 //

These three questions have obviously been submitted by girlfriends/partners who literally can’t stand these characteristics in their fellas and believe that all men possess them.

I fart sometimes, like a lot of my female friends admit to doing, but not all the time – it’s a natural thing.

I don’t fiddle with my tackle when watching telly (although I might try it tonight) however I know one friend who does even when I’m there.

I’m sat with my legs akimbo as I write this, but isn’t that just a comfort/practical thing due to our physical attributes? It sounds like there are some intolerant ladies out there who are slightly generalising us men… (cue *ooooooooh* reaction)

MAN 5 //

Men are less embarrassed about their bodily imperfections than women. There is a massive badge of honour that you get for behaving grossly but still getting her to do that thing you like (that she pretends to not but secretly does) later that night. It is caveman assertiveness in its rawest form.

Personally, I try to reign it in when I’m around a girl. Even when it’s a girl I’m with, who knows you back to front and you’ve been really skanky around each other and jizzed on every walking inch of her, I do think that I don’t particularly want her guffing on my leg, so I don’t see why I should do it on hers.

The Le Blow men have spoken. Now have YOUR say here:

Got a question for the Le Blow boys? Email them: men[at]leblow[dot]co[dot]uk.
If they’re not too busy with their hands down their pants, they’ll answer it, yeah?